


New Year's Resolutions

by Gloryofluv



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Closeted Character, Disguise, F/M, Memory Loss, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Secrets, Veil of Death (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:56:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28713153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gloryofluv/pseuds/Gloryofluv
Summary: The oddity alone of recovering from the war was difficult for our golden trio. One was married, one had a secret, and one was a closet thrill seeker. As they begin to decipher the issues of their life, another complication occurs. Someone shows up, lost, confused, and back from the dead. Secrets will be revealed with this new nosy complication.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Hermione Granger
Comments: 6
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

It was a quiet night as far as it could be for New Year's Eve in the Potters' home. Ronald Weasley was sipping a glass and playing chess with Harry as the witches were sitting on the sofa. It was just like any other night, aside from the promise of a new year moments away. Yes, another year had successfully passed since the war.

As with comfortable friends, life was a centric portion of their conversation. Lately, that part had been an issue for some of them as they navigated as adults. This was one of those evenings as it proceeded to the ticking of a countdown. The children were asleep, and the topic at hand was odd.

Hermione brushed her curls back and breathed. "Ginny, I'm not going out with your former coach."

"Hermione, it's time to get back out there," Ron hummed before delivering the order for his knight to demolish one of Harry's pawns.

"Absolutely not," Hermione groaned and scrubbed her face.

"He's knowledgeable, with top marks from Drumstrung," Ginny insisted.

The curly-haired witch puffed and waved. "No, it's out of the question."

Harry twitched his nose and breathed. "Gin, please don't. You promised me you wouldn't do this."

"I'm only looking after our friend," Ginny growled.

"You always do this, and you know it makes her uncomfortable," Harry frowned as his bishop smashed Ron's knight.

"It isn't a crime to take care of Hermione Granger, Head Auror Potter," Ginny sneered as Harry closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Let's get our drinks ready," Ron suggested and waved for his sister to follow him.

The room's frustrations stemmed from the beginning of the night when Ron asked Hermione who she was going to kiss. It was a teasing jab, but Hermione shrugged it off. Apparently, Ginny found that as an opening and continued through the night. Hermione found a corner of the sitting room as Ron and Ginny were getting the champagne ready in the kitchen.

Harry approached with a scrunched expression. "Things have never been easy around the holidays," Harry mumbled.

Hermione breathed and rocked her head. "Yes, I know. I understand why they are like this, but I'll figure it out in time."

"Yeah, I know, Hermione," Harry said as he pulled her into a hug. "You always do. We would have been lost without you. How's work in the department suiting you?"

Hermione pressed her cheek into his chest and shrugged. "It's just work, Harry."

"Should we make promises about the year and all that," Ron paused when he came into the room and frowned.

Ginny followed with their other drinks and tightened her lips. "Yes, resolutions."

Harry released Hermione and paced to his wife. "A great idea from the Weasley raised heroes," he smiled and took his glass.

Ron shook his head and wandered over to Hermione. There was no question that the Potters weren't in the best spirits this evening. Whatever argument took place, it was quite difficult.

"So, what are we resolute about doing this year?" Ron asked as he dragged Hermione over to the pair.

Ginny breathed and glanced down at her drink. "I am going to stop letting my mother spoil our sons."

Ron snorted and shook his head. "Not going to happen, but you can try."

"Well, what about you, prat?" Ginny huffed.

"I'm going to spend more time doing the things I wanna do," Ron nodded.

"Don't you already do that?" Harry asked with a smile.

Hermione glanced over at the window and scrunched her nose while they bantered. The snow was falling in a mellow drift, and all seemed right with the world. Seemed. There was so much wrong with the world, but none of them addressed it. Not really.

"Hermione?" Ginny asked.

Hermione glanced back and blinked. "Oh, well, Harry, did you say yours?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "I was going to go last, but I'll go. I want to spend more time with my family. You included," he said and nudged her.

"I know, I've been absent lately," Hermione sighed and gazed over at Ginny. "I suppose mine could be that as well."

"Or," Ginny started with her finger in the air. "You could try to be more honest about your feelings."

"And try to find a nice bloke," Ron added.

"All those," Hermione agreed.

The clock struck midnight, and they all clinked their glasses together before drinking and laughing about the turn of the year. Not one of them knew what 2006 would bring, but the hope of a new year was now upon them.

* * *

Hermione walked into the Ministry of Magic early on Sunday to finish some extra paperwork. She didn't mind that it was the first of the year, nor did she mind that it was quiet. It was the insurmountable kindness of absence that she enjoyed most. The only person in the world awake at six in the morning working.

Her office lights flickered on as she set her purse on the hook and flicked her wand at the teapot. It all stuttered the effect of the water boiling and the loose tea floating into it. Her pressed dress suit rustled as she sat down, and the parchment stack was a wonderful greeting.

"So, let's see what bills the Wizengamot is going to turn down this week," she sighed and began flipping through her work.

Minutes ticked by as she scribbled and flipped through the pages. Her tea was a welcomed friend, and that would have been her first four hours. Well, aside from the odd itch she had in the back of her neck. It wasn't quite an itch, but something was bothering her about an hour and a half into her day.

Hermione wanted to ignore it and pushed away from the paranoia that she wasn't alone. No one worked Sunday unless they were Aurors on duty or meeting a deadline. However, this was the first of the year, and all the Aurors on call had their ways of receiving emergencies.

The witch finally climbed from her chair and stretched as she paced toward her office door. Were that footsteps on the marble? Well, maybe someone else was dedicated to their work. Nothing wrong with a bit of effort before the work year begins.

That could have been enough for her. It was, no, really. Hermione shook off the creeps she felt growing and walked back to her desk. Stripping her blazer and tossing it on the chair, she sat back down.

Murmuring down the hall? Her head tilted a bit to listen—a deep voice by the sound of the echo. Maybe a couple of people decided to finish reports? So much for being unique about her work ethic.

"'The Ministry is a well-oiled machine, Miss Granger.' I didn't even think anyone else cared," She smiled to herself and enjoyed the quote of the minister even more.

Hermione went about her business and sifted through several of her articles on the first bill before the mumbling grew. Someone was singing? The footsteps were closer. As if her body was more aware of the danger of being alone in the ministry on a Sunday, which was a holiday, it tensed, and her muscles twitched.

Hermione grabbed her wand and slid from her chair, pulling her heels off. The witch moved from her office and slunk down the hallway toward the voice.

"He's the hairy-handed gent.

Who ran amok in Kent

Lately he's been overheard in Mayfair

You better stay away from him

He'll rip your lungs out, Jim

Hunh, I'd like to meet his tailor."

The voice was clear enough to hear as Hermione paced closer. Now she knew this wasn't a ministry worker. No one, even alone in the creepy building, would walk around singing. Especially a song about ripping out lungs. It would be a key way to get someone's attention and possibly an arrest if they weren't authorized personnel.

Hermione felt the surge of adrenaline as she swallowed down her feelings and glanced around the corner. No one. However, the steps were closer.

"Ah-hooo, werewolves of London

Ah-hooo

Ah-hooo, werewolves of London

Ah-hooo."

Hermione nearly lost wind as she shoved herself against the wall. Now she was positive this person didn't work here. Louder now and more definitive was the footsteps. He was approaching. The witch took smaller, shallower breaths as she gained her courage.

"Where the bloody fuck is everyone," the voice growled only meters away.

The witch closed her eyes and took one large breath before the form cleared the hallway and into view. Hermione didn't give him a chance as she shoved the tall form and pressed her wand to his throat. The suspect was tall, and his dark hair whipped around as he bounced against the wall from the surprise.

"I won't hesitate to kill you if you move!" Hermione growled and panted.

"Well, love, I won't argue with that."

Suddenly recognition entered her mind as she noted the grey eyes and smirk. "Sirius?" She huffed.

"Absolutely, darlin'," He grinned and tilted his head. "I was positive I knew most of the attractive witches that I went to school with. Especially one who makes the first move."

Hermione blinked and stepped away from his form. "Sirius, what are, how are you," she stopped and waved her free hand. "Wait just a moment. How did you get here?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow and gestured to the hallway. "The dodgy chamber with the curtain. I was looking for some answers, but it seems that no one is around. Am I supposed to guess your name? I do enjoy a bit of intrigue with a pretty witch," he winked and shot her a charming smile.

Hermione's frown grew. "Sirius, wait, you don't remember me? I'm Hermione, Harry's friend, remember?"

"Harry? Herold Richie from Hufflepuff? He was in third year when we graduated, I believe," Sirius hummed as he scratched his head.

"No, Harry Potter. What do you remember?" Hermione placed her wand away in the band of her skirt.

Sirius tightened his expression and waved. "No, Harry is a baby. He was barely babbling when I went out of the country. I must have been knocked about because I can't remember how I got here."

"You don't remember anything after that?" Hermione questioned.

The wizard crossed his arms and glanced at the ceiling. Hermione remembered this posture, especially when Sirius spoke to Remus about difficult things. She swallowed and calmed her heart as the living dead marauder was thinking.

"Well, I remember my bike and a bit of screaming and then a dark room, but that's the gist of it, love," he said and smirked as he relaxed against the wall. "Now, I need a few answers. Can you owl Albus Dumbledore for me?"

Hermione tapped her bare toes to the floor. "This is going to be a long explanation," she murmured.

"Why? There can't be much to dive into," Sirius countered.

Hermione breathed and rolled her neck. "You feel like a cuppa? I have someone I would like you to meet."

Sirius arched his eyebrow, and his smile grew lopsided. "I haven't multitasked in some time. If she's up for the challenge."

"No," Hermione rushed out as her cheeks darkened. "No, let's not make a play at the first witch you meet, Sirius."

"No?" He grinned and moved from the wall, stepping toward her. "Seems to me that you don't mind the attention."

"Merlin, I need assistance," Hermione puffed and pivoted toward her office. "Of all the barmy ways to start the year. I'm alone, in the ministry, with Sirius bloody Black," she continued while walking. "Not only that, but he just made a pass at me, of all things."

Sirius followed while grinning to himself. "Love, why aren't you wearing shoes?"

"I thought you were here to attack me and wanted the upper hand. Heels make sounds," Hermione explained while waving her hand in the air.

"Crafty, attractive, and bringing a new meaning to the naughty professor look," Sirius snickered.

Hermione glared back at him once reaching her office. "Please don't flirt with me to cover your discomfort," she murmured and disappeared into the room.

Sirius felt slapped. He physically recoiled and blinked. "When did you talk to Remus Lupin about me?" He asked while walking into the room.

Hermione was sitting at the desk as she straightened her grey shirt. "Not for quite a few years, but he spoke about you fondly," she exhaled and pulled out her wand before waving it. "Harry, I need you and the minister to come to my office immediately. Code white," she spoke as the misty otter floated around her.

Sirius watched it swim off and moved to the empty chair across from her. "What's code white?"

"Code white is a victim of memory loss. Whether it be spell induced or otherwise. Harry is Head of the Auror department. He'll help me figure this out," Hermione explained.

Sirius looked down at the calendar on her desk and tilted his head while his face grew pinched. "January 1st, 2006?"

"Yes, Sirius," Hermione sighed. "It's New Years'."

"That's twenty-five years from," he paused, and the color in his face drained. "Love, you're shitting me."

"No, I, unfortunately, am not. There are quite a few things amiss here. Considering you died almost ten years ago," Hermione said as she shifted the parchment off her desk and into her drawer.

The wizard set his ankle on his knee and lounged in the chair. "Oh? What else? My death isn't surprising in the least."

The witch looked up from her fidgeting and grimaced. "Sirius, you don't have to protect me from your feelings. You can do that with Harry and anyone else, but you don't need to protect me. I've handled far worse and it's alright to be nervous about the implications of this. It's a tell of yours and I don't need you to mask for my sake."

Just like that. So instantaneous and familiar. Sirius breathed and ran his fingers over the scratchy hair on his face. "You know Remus well then?"

She nodded and thinned her lips. "I knew him well enough."

Sirius winced at the phrasing and waved. "We'll go back to that. You're friends with Harry, as in Harry Potter?"

Hermione nodded and held out her hand across the desk. "I'll be here for you and help."

Sirius bent forward and took her hand. "Don't let me hurt him, alright?"

"You couldn't if you tried," she smiled and squeezed his fingers. "Now, let's start with taking your account of the most recent memory you have, alright?"

He tightened his grip on her hand before letting it go and allowing her to nab the quill. The length of time, she asked him three questions was the last moments of them being alone. Sirius Black had returned, and the world, Merlin help it, wasn't going to be ready for this type of start to the year.


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius sat in the nearly bare room and twitched his nose while watching the clock tick. Behind the window was Hermione, Harry, Head Healer Hippocrates, and Minister Shacklebolt. The healer hadn't seen him yet and was reviewing old paperwork from previous injuries with the ministry personnel.

"They are a bit outdated, but I have information from an accident back in 1981," Hippocrates sighed before handing the red file to Kingsley.

"We shall do what we can, but this seems authentic?" Kingsley asked.

Hippocrates shrugged and gestured to Harry. "Do you believe this is Sirius Black?"

"Well, yes," Harry scowled.

"Can I talk with him?" Hermione offered.

Everyone's eyes shot to the witch as she straightened her clothing. "What do you have in mind, Miss Granger?"

Hermione licked her lips and breathed. "I can have a conversation with him, and we can note the authenticity of his answers before the medical exam."

Harry rocked his head and patted Hermione's shoulder. "That's a good idea. We don't want him to ask more questions than give answers like he was attempting earlier with the minister and me."

"Very well, Miss Granger. I'll knock on the window when Minerva gets here if she wants to speak to him."

Hippocrates agreed, and Hermione tucked a few of her curls behind her ears before reaching for the door. When she entered the room, Sirius took his chin off his arms and smiled. Despite the amount of impatience the animagus displayed when she was younger, he lacked such now.

"Afternoon, Sirius. I'm sorry you've been alone for so long. We were getting things in order to certify your identity," Hermione confessed as she approached the table.

"I was wonderin' when you were going to come to see me again, love," he winked and relaxed in his seat.

Hermione stifled her smile and sat down across from him, crossing her leg over the other. To their right was the mirror which she knew the others were standing. Pouring herself a cup of tea, she dressed it from the items on the tea tray and slanted her head.

"So, I want to talk about Remus Lupin," Hermione declared.

Sirius winced and breathed. "You sure know how to get to the heart of things. What about Remus?"

"All of you had special names; what was his, and why did you give it to him?"

Sirius snorted before reaching for the cup she dressed. "We all were the marauders and called him Moony. He was a werewolf, but you know all that. You know more than likely most from the smile you're hiding."

"This is all a formality, Sirius," Hermione voiced as she reached for another cup.

Sirius breathed and nodded. "I know, but it does cause me some concern. What happened that everyone is so skittish?"

"I wasn't lying when I told you about your death," Hermione replied as she poured herself another cup.

Sirius glanced at the mirror and grimaced. "I've aged so much."

"Not too much," Hermione smiled, causing him to glance back at her.

"I'm still devilishly handsome. I had witches chasing me all over Hogwarts," Sirius winked and exhaled.

Hermione sipped her tea before clearing her throat. "Tell me more."

Sirius grinned before drinking from his teacup and leaning forward. "I was rather particular despite the attention. I don't trust with ease, but you knew that as well. Moony told you plenty about me, which is why you're in here, and they're out there watching."

"Yes," Hermione agreed. "Remus was quite lost at your death, so he shared stories about you with me so I could pass them on to Harry when he was ready."

"Did he tell you about the story of us sneaking into the Headmaster's office to attempt to get a feather from Fawkes?" Sirius asked with a bright smile.

Hermione arched an eyebrow. "Didn't you receive a detention from Dumbledore? What did you end up having to do?"

Sirius barked out laughter and set down his glass. "We had to clean the portraits in the hall by hand. James tickled George von Rheticus' nose, and he sneezed so hard stars filled his portrait."

Hermione giggled and shook her head. "You had quite a bit of mischief in your school years."

"Did anyone ever find the map?" Sirius questioned.

The witch bobbed her head. "The Weasley twins did, and eventually, Harry was gifted it."

"Fate," Sirius exhaled.

"I tend to agree."

Sirius scowled and chewed his lower lip. "Love, what happened to Remus? What happened to my furry friend that he isn't here? I know you haven't mentioned James and Lily, so I can only assume Voldemort accomplished what he set out to do. There's a grey area about Moony that you haven't touched on yet. I know you've used past tense when talking about him."

Hermione glanced at the mirror and swallowed. A hand touched her face, and it caused the witch to jerk, spilling her tea on her blouse. A few curses left her mouth before she snagged her wand and cleaned the mess with ease. No one knocked at the mirror. She was on her own.

"I apologize, love. You're a bit jumpy," Sirius simpered.

Hermione inhaled and turned back to the Black. "I've seen a ghost," she attempted a smile.

Sirius chuckled and waved his hand. "Yeah, yeah."

"Remus Lupin was married in 1997 to your cousin Nymphadora Tonks. They both fought in the final battle on May 2nd, 1998, and died for our better future," Hermione said as she sat straighter.

Sirius put a hand over his face and rubbed his eyes. "Was he happy?"

"Immensely," Hermione voiced.

"I always told him he deserved more than the moon. James had his flower, and I knew Remus deserved a bit of happiness too. I'm relieved he found it," Sirius murmured.

Hermione observed the man attempting to recover from the summary of a horrible past. He was Sirius Orion Black, and she was positive of it the moment she saw him. His reactions were authentic, and so was his demeanor.

"Can I ask you a question?" Hermione asked before sipping her tea.

Sirius pulled his hand away and rocked his head. "Have at it."

"There was something in your bedroom at 12 Grimmauld Place that I always wanted to ask you about. It was something scratched in your wardrobe."

Sirius grinned and arched an eyebrow. "Poked around in my room, love? Did you miss my smell?"

"You smelt like a wet dog," she teased. It was a quote Remus often would use in Sirius's jeering, and his reaction was near the same.

The man snorted, but his grin grew wild and boyish. "You sound quite a bit like Moony."

"I observed you two enough to recall such obscenities," Hermione shrugged.

"I scratched, 'Death to the Putrid Queen of Ilk,' in my wardrobe. It was a message for my mother when she would go searching for my hidden treasures and secrets. The batty bitch attempted to rid the message a few times, but I would always scratch it in later."

Hermione relaxed her posture and set her teacup aside. "I will have you know. I silenced her portrait for you."

Sirius rubbed the side of his neck and glanced down at the table. "Thank you, love."

The witch ran her tongue over her teeth and stood up. Sirius raised his eyebrows, and Hermione gestured for him to stand. "Come here. I want to check something."

Sirius climbed from his seat and stood in front of her. Hermione raised his left hand and ran her thumb over his coarse palm. There was a scar, and the witch traced it before glancing up at him.

"We were all part of the pack," Sirius nodded.

Hermione's lips curled as she pushed up the coat sleeve. "And this one?" She asked while tracing the circular keloid.

"My mother burnt me for mouthing off," Sirius declared before wagging his eyebrows. "I could take off the layers if you want to give me a thorough exam, love."

Hermione rolled her eyes and pulled the sleeve back down. "I'm not a healer, Sirius, so that I won't be doing the exam. I was just curious if I would receive the same answers from you twice."

"How old were you when I died?" Sirius asked as he dropped his playful mask.

"Sixteen," Hermione murmured as she dropped her gaze.

"I'm so sorry," He whispered and touched her cheek. "I wouldn't have wanted to harm you and Harry like I'm positive I had by my absence."

Hermione shook her head. "It wasn't your fault, Sirius. Life certainly wasn't easy, but no one was at fault for our losses aside from Voldemort."

He inhaled and ducked down to her level with a frown. "Darlin', tell me something important. Why am I back and without my memories? All this darkness, and I don't own the story personally."

Hermione made a sound of amusement as she shrugged and smiled. "I don't know. No one has ever come back from the dead, Sirius. I've read plenty on the Veil, death, and theories of what lies beyond. Nothing could be in reference to your appearance."

"Fucking Merlin's sweaty socks. You sound just like Moony," Sirius groaned.

"We had books and good friends in common. He was my mentor in many ways," she admitted before stepping from his space. "Now, I'm going to step out and let Hippocrates come examine you."

"Can you stick around? He always makes me a bit nervous," Sirius murmured as he twitched his nose.

Hermione crossed her arms loosely in front of her. "I'll be on the other side of the door."

"Please?"

The witch shifted on her feet, and the door opened. "Sirius, I'll stay with you if you want," Harry declared.

Hermione exhaled, and it didn't go unnoticed by Sirius. "Are you nervous about seeing me in starks, love?" His tone was teasing, but his eyes read concern.

Hermione licked her lips as Harry approached. "I'm just a bit hungry, Sirius. I was going to grab some lunch and wait for Hippocrates to finish his report."

Sirius rocked his head. "Alright."

"When you're approved to leave, you can come back to my flat. I have a spare room, and it will give you space to decompress," Hermione suggested.

"Hermione?" Harry questioned.

The witch turned to her best friend and thinned her lips. "The children might be a bit much for him at first."

Sirius rocked his head. "She makes a good point. I love rugrats, but I'm on a bit of shaky ground."

Harry agreed and gestured to Hermione. "We're going to step out, and I'll come back in with Hippocrates. After that, we'll see about getting you out of this room."

Sirius rolled his neck and breathed. "And I'm dying for some chips and an ale."

"That can be arranged," Hermione nodded.

"My kind of witch. You and I, we're going to continue this later," Sirius smirked with a wink.

Harry groaned and scrubbed his face under his glasses. "Sirius, that's my best friend you're flirting with."

Sirius stared down his nose at Harry. "Do you really believe that would stop me?"

Hermione groaned and rolled her eyes. "I might take back my offer if you upset him, Sirius."

"Oh, fine, you spoiled sport," Sirius huffed and shifted his posture.

The two ministry workers stepped from the room after a quick goodbye, and Harry puffed as the door shut. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I don't remember him being so mouthy."

Hermione snorted and arched her eyebrow. "Harry, it's Sirius. You don't remember what Remus said about his nervous ticks? He's going to flirt with anyone in a dress to focus on something positive. I know he isn't earnest, and it doesn't make me uncomfortable. He doesn't remember us."

"He just shouldn't talk to you like that," Harry said.

"I happen to believe that is Sirius Black," Minerva interrupted their conversation.

"I don't remember him being like this," Harry voiced as he escorted Hermione near the group waiting for them.

"Harry, he doesn't have memories of what led to him going to Azkaban or the twelve years he focused on the loss of his friends, the loss of his freedom, nor his desire to protect you from the evils of the world. He's going to be different," Hermione explained.

"Which is why it is an excellent option for Miss Granger to have him stay with her. It will give everyone a chance to be reintroduced," Kingsley declared.

"I happen to agree," Hippocrates nodded.

Harry shifted and squeezed Hermione's shoulder. "Are you positive you can handle that? I don't want you stressed over this."

Hermione grimaced and patted his chest. "Harry, I'm not breakable and wish you wouldn't worry about me. I can handle Sirius Black."

"Alright, why don't you go get something to eat, and we'll go over everything when you get back?" Harry asked.

"Let's have lunch while the wizards finish this," Minerva agreed.

Hermione left Harry's space and rocked her head. "Yes, let's do that."

The witches left the dark room, and Hermione rolled her shoulders and neck. They walked toward the elevator, and Minerva cleared her throat. Whatever she was going to say, she wanted Hermione's entire attention.

"Miss Granger," she started as they entered the elevator.

"Yes, Headmistress?"

"It's going to be a difficult time period, and I want you to take this in a measure," Minerva voiced as the elevator shuddered before moving.

Hermione shifted her charcoal blazer and breathed. "I know I will be careful with the situation."

Minerva was silent a moment as the elevator churned and creaked from movement. "Are you doing well? Mr. Potter seems quite concerned."

"I'm doing fine. He has worried for years, and I have found balance."

"If you need assistance, please reach out."

Hermione tightened her jaw and rocked her head. "I will if needed."

That ended their conversation as they stepped out of the elevator, but Minerva McGonagall didn't appear convinced. There was something a bit off from the former top marks student. The musing would be placed on hold as they retrieved food and focused on the next task at hand, bringing Sirius Black back from the dead. At least on paper.


	3. Chapter 3

Ron was smiling and leaning over the table toward Sirius as they ate muggle take out. Harry, Hermione, and Ron were all present and enjoying some fish and chips with expensive beer. It was a homecoming like no other.

"So, whatcha gonna do first, Sirius?" Ron asked.

Sirius drank from his glass and placed an arm around Hermione's shoulder. "I'm going to educate this witch on decorating her home."

Hermione rolled her eyes and shrugged his arm off of her. "I am a minimalist, Sirius."

"What's with the muted colors?" Sirius questioned as he gestured to the pale sitting room.

"I happen to enjoy a mellow environment at home," Hermione responded as she picked at her chips.

Harry sat back and scratched his chin. "What do you think about coming over tomorrow, Sirius? Come meet the kids and let Ginny clamor over you."

Sirius nodded and shifted with a stiff edge to his actions. "Yeah, I could."

"Or we could see how he feels tomorrow before agreeing to something he might not be ready for," Hermione suggested before cleaning off her fingers. "I'm going to get out of my work clothes."

"Love, pull me out a towel, and I'll follow suit close behind," Sirius declared.

"Merlin, Sirius," Harry groaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

Hermione stood up and patted Sirius's shoulder. "I have a spare I'll set out when I'm done."

Sirius watched the witch stroll toward the hallway and disappear before a door clicked shut. Ron glanced over to the hall before backing at Sirius. "She's a barmy one, but we do love her. Harry's a bit of a bugger about it."

"Why?" Sirius asked as he glanced at Harry.

Harry breathed and released his posture. "Sirius, I know you have none of the memories, but that witch did everything she could to take care of us both. Even when we were on the run from the death eaters, she went through so much to keep me safe."

"So, you feel guilty?" Sirius questioned with a scowl at the gritty topic.

Ron rocked his head. "Yeah, she was pretty banged up after the war ended. Bellatrix tortured her for quite a bit of time when we were captured. She doesn't like talking about it, so we just don't," he finished and shrugged.

Sirius bent forward over his food and glowered. "She was tortured? That very witch in the other room?"

Harry and Ron nodded together. "We want to tell you now, so if she's acting a bit odd, you know why," Harry murmured.

"I'll be careful with her," Sirius agreed.

"Good," Harry sighed. "It's been years, and she's quiet about her private life."

Sirius scrunched his nose and glanced between them. "One of these days, you both are going to have to sit down with me and explain the last sixteen years in detail, alright?"

"Yes, of course, Sirius," Harry voiced.

Ron relaxed against his seat and shoved chips in his mouth. "I'm gonna finish, then head out. I have plans," he said through chewing.

"Where are you going? It's Sunday night," Harry prodded.

Ron rolled his eyes. "I'm busy. What of it?"

"Sirius is back. You should be here with Hermione and me," Harry argued.

Sirius waved his hand. "Kid, relax. I'm not going anywhere."

"Thanks, Sirius," Ron responded with a simper.

The animagus reached out and ruffled their hair with a smirk. "You boys are going to be fine. Just take a breath. You both remind me so much of Prongs and Wormtail."

Ron winced and shook his head. "Sirius, Peter wasn't as good as you remember."

"Just," Sirius breathed and rolled his neck. "Let me have this tonight, alright?"

Harry smiled and agreed. "Sure, Sirius."

Ron stood up and stretched. "Okay, you both catch up. Sirius, drinks Wednesday?"

Sirius sat back and saluted. "Right-o, Weasley."

Ron grinned and gave back a lazy salute before marching to the fireplace. He disappeared in a flash of green, and Harry rubbed his face. "I don't know what's with him lately," Harry grumbled.

"Kid, why are you so flustered? Problems at home?"

Harry pulled his hand away and waved it. "Something of that effect."

Sirius manipulated his expression and hummed. "Well, I'm no expert, but usually witches get twitchy when they're bothered."

Harry's frustration melted to something more morose. "I don't know, Sirius. She's been so upset about my workload and trying to get both my friends back on track. I'm not sure how to fix it."

Sirius smiled and glanced at the clock. "Well, why don't we pick this up tomorrow, and you go spend time with her? I'll come by for dinner tomorrow night."

"But Sirius," Harry tried.

"Kid, we have so much time now. Time to catch up, time for me to collect all the history I'm missing and time to be family. Go be a good husband like your dad was. I'll help you take care of your friends if you help yourself," Sirius insisted as he waved his hand in a circle.

Harry shifted his lips from one side to the other before nodding. "Alright, Sirius. I'll let you recover from how long today was and see you tomorrow after work."

"There's tons of James in you, but there's the bit of Lily I loved too," Sirius grinned and smacked Harry with a hardy hit on his shoulder.

Yes, Sirius knew he was manipulating Harry a bit, but he was tapped out. So much information he took in with such little time to digest it. Harry and he had a tender goodbye at the fireplace, and he finally let down his guard. Shit. 2006? No more James? No more Remus? Peter too?

He rubbed his face with both his hands and let out a mournful groan—so much time. Everyone was gone. Everything was torn apart in what felt like moments. It made his stomach churn and knot.

"Sirius," her small voice interrupted his thoughts.

Sirius pivoted and noted her appearance. Hermione was in a plush pink robe, and her hair fell around her face in damp curls.

"Yes?" He asked.

"Are you alright? I heard your lament," Hermione said as she shifted on her bare feet.

"Lament," he smiled. "Yes, I just bid Harry goodbye for the evening."

"I'm shocked you were able to excuse him," Hermione laughed and shook her head.

Sirius stepped toward her, and Hermione took a step back. It was an interesting reaction that Sirius wasn't used to, especially from women. "He had things he had to do at home, and I need some time myself."

Hermione raced her palms over her robe and nodded. "Well, I have books, of course. I also have charmed a telly so I could watch films. Don't tell Arthur Weasley," she beamed and gestured to the wooden shelving.

"Films? As in theaters?" Sirius questioned.

"Right," Hermione sighed. "Well, films can be played from home now. I am a muggleborn, so I grew up exposed to many of those things."

"You want to show me after you get into some knickers?"

Hermione's cheeks darkened as she twitched her nose. "Yes, we can do that."

"Alright."

Hermione turned, and Sirius cleared his throat. "Love."

She paused and turned her face toward him. "Yes, Sirius?"

"Can we get some ice cream?"

Hermione beamed and rocked her head. "Of course, Sirius. I'll pop to the shop and get some when you bathe."

* * *

Sirius had collected so much information over the last week as he kept his head down at Hermione's flat. If he felt like taking a walk while she worked, he would run around as a shaggy mutt and take in the changes of twenty plus years. Muggles and their ever-changing environments. He enjoyed that nothing was the same. It made this easier.

It was Friday, and Hermione claimed she was working late then stopping by George's house. Sirius hadn't expected her to be social with many, as her demeanor at home was solitary. Books, research, and writing occupied her time when they weren't speaking. He didn't mind that she spoke little. In fact, it was likely why he'd felt so comfortable around the witch.

So in her absence, he didn't want to be at her home alone. Sirius ran around the skirts of London to get lost in the crowd. The dog paused his footing as he gazed up at the neon letters and the doorman with a line. A club? He glanced behind him and then back. Why the fuck not?

Sirius slipped around to the alley and formed back into himself when the coast was cleared. He was dressed casually enough not to make a statement but decided when he'd slip inside to mend his appearance, which was easier than he remembered from his youth. Paying for entrance, he trekked around the loud place to the restroom.

The loo was a disgusting affair with a trough of ice piss water and clouded mirror, but it was vacant. Sirius changed some dramatic facial features and his hair to a radical sandy brown speckled with grey. He even was positive that many of his alchemy tattoos were distorted to the ignorant eye. It was an average appearance, and he wouldn't have to worry about drawing too much attention. Yes, he knew how decent he appeared and smirked at the normal-looking man with blue eyes in the mirror who would barely get noticed. Perfect.

What was he looking for as the loud music bounced inside his chest? Sirius wasn't even positive as he wandered toward the bar. James always did call him reckless. The place was awful, but his disinterest was needed. He wasn't there to hear shitty music and pal around with his friends.

His Marauders.

Sirius ordered a beer and watched the young buggers dancing around like they were being cursed. It was entertaining to see the world so many years later. So much time he'd lost. So much that dissipated from his fingers. He let out a deep sigh before swigging his bottle.

The world was distorted in ways he never thought it would, even in the dark moments. The war ended, but the casualties were grave. He felt so alone. So beyond alone. He just wanted something that was his in a world that moved on from him.

"He'll have another," a sultry voice announced.

Sirius turned with an arched eyebrow. The woman in question was a nearly naked muggle with long straight dark hair and colored highlights. Her pert chest was almost bouncing out of the tight cropped t-shirt and an almost non-existent skirt. It was her heels that he could drool at. She wore heels that had a ribbon or some sort of binding that crisscrossed all the way to her knees.

"Are you buying me a drink?" He smiled.

She held her hand. "If you'll dance with me," the stranger smirked.

Sirius took her hand. "Lucas."

"Cat."

"How old are you?" He snickered while eyeing the youthful woman. "Young enough for a bedtime?"

"Old enough to know," she paused and reached around him. Sirius had to admit. She was fucking smooth. "You'll enjoy expelling a bit of that ego, Luke," she finished after grabbing his beer from him and handing him the new one.

"Is that so?" Sirius baited before drinking his beer.

She grinned and batted away her long hair. "Oh, yes. Looks are deceptive."

"Looking for trouble as well, Kitty Cat?" Sirius teased as he set his bottle down.

"If you're trouble, then yes," Cat swallowed down the rest of his older bottle before setting it down. "Let's go," she ordered and gestured for him to follow.

Sirius was surprised at the tenacity of the woman and obeyed for the sake of curiosity. Cat had pulled him onto the floor just as the music changed to something Sirius could only describe as a precursor to shagging. Something about wishing his girlfriend was hot. It didn't matter when she started to dance against him.

Her smile, her fuck-me eyes, and most certainly the tattoos that etched against her back. When she turned around and tugged him closer, Sirius smirked. "You've done this before," he whispered as she pulled him closer.

"Does that bother you?" She grinned while running her fingers against his neck and wriggling her hips in such a sexy way.

"Not at all, but I can't take you home, kitten," he voiced while running his thumb over her cheek.

Cat gripped his shirt and wagged her eyebrows. "I have my own ways, handsome," she murmured.

"Daddy issues?" He teased while caressing her back.

Cat arched her eyebrow, and his smile slanted. "Is that appealing to you?"

"It can be if you don't mind engaging my ego for it," Sirius murmured as he bent closer to her.

Cat laughed, and even through the intrusive music, he could hear the sex in her tone. "I'll stroke more than your ego if you don't mind it loud."

Were women of the turn of the century really this enlightened, or was this little pussy cat begging for help? Likely barely twenty with daddy issues that were more than apparent. Well, not his people, so not his problem, right? He could solve an itch needing to be scratched and still enjoy the object of no commitment.

The cute little woman dragged him from the floor and toward the exit to the side. Likely where smokers went to let off a little steam. The petite muggle shoved the door and smirked back at him as she led him through the exit. In the brighter light, he could note the sharp features of her face. Indeed, she looked like a naughty kitten.

"Now, Alley Cat, I'm not shagging you on the wall," he chuckled as they left the area.

Cat let his fingers go and pivoted with grace on her heels to walk backward in front of him. "I might be a serial killer, so you better be careful," she teased with a wink and ducked around the corner.

Sirius was fairly amused with this huntress. She was this wild cat, and frankly, it was far randier than just a boring shag in the disgusting bathroom of a club. There was a door, and Cat held it open with a smile and wagged her index finger at him.

He followed suit, and the small studio was perfect. Sirius soon found out just how much this kitty has claws. There was nothing wrong with a woman with an incentive and a bit of bite with her purrs.

* * *

Sirius knew he was going to get an ear-bashing when he arrived at Hermione's flat at near two in the morning. He would have preferred to spend a few more hours not being Sirius Black, but Cat had work in the morning. It was a disappointment, but nothing he couldn't handle. He had to spend time with Harry tomorrow and didn't need the added exhaustion.

Entering the flat, he was mildly surprised at the witch in her robe, standing in the kitchen. When he entered, she nearly dropped the spoon from her mouth. "Sirius," she said after swallowing the ice cream that was likely in her bowl.

Hermione's eyes were wide, and the fact that she was biting her lips together made it more evident. She wasn't expecting him, or at least at this hour.

"Is something wrong? I apologize for being out late. I got caught up at a pub," He announced while straightening his coat.

"You were in a pub?" She blinked.

Sirius cleared his throat and tugged his shirt collar. "Well, yes."

The color in her cheeks was bright, and the stunned expression wouldn't be ignored. "A muggle pub?"

He breathed and shifted on his feet. "Yes," he paused and shook his head. "It was more of a club."

"A club?" Her voice was higher.

"Are you angry?" He asked.

Hermione blinked and shook her head with a swift back and forth several times. "No, no, no, you're welcome to do what makes you happy. I'm just surprised to see you go out. To go out in that attire."

Sirius glanced down at the plain blue shirt and black slacks. "I didn't want to stand out," he explained.

"You look great," Hermione stopped and shook her spoon. "I mean, it looks great. No, you're fine. I was just surprised you went out. I thought you had been asleep."

He chuckled and walked into the kitchen and swiped the bowl from her. "Well, I wasn't. I didn't want to be alone tonight, so I went out to be alone in a crowd," he smiled and stole her spoon.

Hermione licked her lips and nodded. "Yes, I know what you mean."

Sirius took a scoop of mint chip to his mouth and hummed. "You know," he started after swallowing. "You would have hated the place I went to tonight. It was quite loud and obnoxious."

She smiled and moved to lean on the counter opposite of him. "Well, that tends to happen in clubs, Sirius. Did you meet anyone of interest?"

"Just a pussy cat in the alley when I popped out for a smoke," He laughed while shaking his head. "It was pleasant to get away from life a bit."

Hermione glanced down at the floor and grimaced. "I understand that feeling. I wish I could say it gets better."

"You want to talk about it?" Sirius asked.

"Not really," Hermione sighed and looked back up at him.

"But one of these days you will?" He pursued the subject.

Hermione puffed and shifted on her feet. "I don't think so, but I appreciate your concern."

Sirius ate another bite of the ice cream and handed the bowl back to her. "Harry told me you don't like talking about the war."

"I don't," Hermione agreed as she accepted the dessert.

Sirius rocked his head and leaned against the counter opposite of her. "I don't like talking about my childhood, either. Horrors of forbidden pasts tend to bury deep inside and kill us slowly."

She smiled despite the subject and spooned some ice cream in her mouth. "Appropriately put, Sirius."

"What do you do about it?"

Hermione smirked and set down the bowl. "I go out, drink until I'm snookered, and take home strange men," she teased.

"Don't take my line," Sirius laughed.

"It's a secret," she hissed while shushing him with a grin. "Don't tell anyone."

"I haven't seen anything but books in this flat, so I'm doubting your honesty, love," Sirius voiced as he crossed his arms.

Hermione groaned and waved her hand. "Well, fine, don't believe me."

Sirius took a step forward, and Hermione looked away from him. She didn't retreat nor stiffen at his advance, and Sirius noted that had slowly been the case over the last week. Maybe she was getting accustomed to his presence?

"Do you want to curl up and watch a film?" He asked while taking another stride.

Hermione looked up at him through her eyelashes and rocked her head. "Yes, we could."

"Do you remember that one on Thursday? The one you insistently said you didn't cry at, but you did," he smiled and tilted his head from side to side.

Hermione groaned with a smile. "I wasn't crying."

Sirius took another step and grinned. "Yes, you did."

"You codger," Hermione laughed and sighed.

"You brat," he snorted and brushed a curl from Hermione's cheek. "Let's settle in for the evening?"

Hermione nodded and situated her robe closer to her body. "I'm glad you had fun tonight, Sirius."

"I'm far happier to be at your home with you. It's nice to forget who Sirius Black is, but it's more satisfying to be him with someone who doesn't need me to change," Sirius confessed as he touched her cheek.

Hermione pulled from him and set the dish in the sink before walking away from him. "I'm going to get into my pj's, pop the popcorn, Sirius?" She questioned as she left the room.

Sirius twitched his nose and cleared his throat. "Yeah, I'll do it."


	4. Chapter 4

Her back was searing as she sobbed and squirmed. “Please, just kill me!” Hermione cried.

The wicked bitch’s cackling echoed in the hall. “Oh, you monster, Fenrir!”

Hermione wept as his clawed hand wrapped around her neck. “Stay still, girly,” he growled.

“No, no, no,” Hermione whimpered as she struggled and scratched at the stone.

“Hermione!”

The whole scene froze as if someone pressed pause. She was lying on the stone and panting, crying. Fenrir had her throat in his grasp, and she couldn't breathe. It was going to end like every other night agonizingly, but this was new.

"Just kill me!" Hermione cried out as she squirmed under his weight.

"Hermione! Wake up!" The voice was so loud. It broke the glass of the windows in the dream.

Hermione gasped and felt electrocuted as she sat up and cried hoarsely between attempts at air. She couldn't get enough as she gulped and cried and panted. It was dark aside from the silhouette near her, and she launched herself at them for center.

"Sh, you're alright, it was only a dream," his deep tone was calm.

"I just," she hiccuped. "W-w-wanted to," she stuttered. "To die."

"I gotcha love. No one's going to hurt you," he whispered and pulled her closer.

"S-s-Sirius, please," she begged and held onto him. "Stay."

He rocked in the dark and nodded against her scorching hair. "I will, but baby, you gotta do me a favor, alright? You need to breathe so you can get some water."

Hermione nodded and gasped and cried as she held onto him. Sirius stroked her hair as he kissed her forehead. The punishing event of a night terror was nothing new for him, but he didn't realize how horrible she suffered.

"You're alright. Let's get you calm," he murmured and rubbed her back and shoulder.

Hermione inhaled deep a couple of times, and she relaxed. Silence. Sirius breathed and kept rocking her as she found her way back.

"Love, are you with me?" Sirius whispered.

Silence.

"Hermione?"

Hermione sniffled. "I'm sorry," she murmured.

Sirius shook his head. "Never be sorry," he said and attempted to pry the witch from his form. "Come on, Love. I need you to get some water. You're dehydrated."

She pulled from him and stuttered a breath. "Thank you, Sirius."

He stroked her cheek, and even in the dark, he could see the toll it took. Sirius reached for the glass of water and handed it to her. "That's my girl," he voiced while she drank.

Hermione drank the whole glass, and Sirius set it aside before moving them toward the headboard. Sirius propped himself up and cuddled the witch close. "Oh, Moony used to have terrible terrors, and this is what we would do. You have chocolate nearby, love?"

"Night table," she murmured.

Sirius struggled as he leaned over and dug into the drawer before finding purchase on a wrapper. He snagged it and sat up, ripping it open with his teeth. "Alright, good, now let's have some chocolate."

He bit into the bar before offering it to the small crumbled form on his lap. "Oh, Moony, my wonderful werewolf. I did miss nights like these with him. He was sweet and always so gracious. I miss him," Sirius declared as she nibbled on the chocolate bar.

"Were you in love with him?" Hermione questioned.

Sirius chuckled and shook his head. "No, but I loved him. I loved James as my brother, Peter, as my biggest fan, and Remus was the reason we all were together. Remus was the reason we were marauders until death. He was our glue, our conscience, and our heart."

"I miss him too," Hermione murmured.

"Were you in love with him?" He snickered, and his grin was seen in the dark room.

Hermione snorted and smacked his chest in jest. "No, but I loved him. I loved how strong and kind he was. He was the best part of being human. His son is even more so," Hermione stopped, and Sirius stiffened.

"Remus has a son?" He gasped.

"Yes, he does," Hermione whispered.

"Why did you tell me before?"

Hermione chewed a bit of the sweet and licked her lips. "I didn't want to overwhelm you until you weren't so lonely. I know this isn't easy."

Sirius touched her cheek and sighed. "How do you know these things?"

"I remember you, Sirius. I remember what you went through when you were out of Azkaban. There were things that I was unsure about, but I knew you had so much heart and loyalty for those you loved. Remus, Harry, Ron, even me."

Sirius caressed her hair and breathed. "What happened?"

Hermione laughed and shook her head. "Nothing seedy, Sirius. I was a young girl. I was crying in the library one evening when Ron was callous and insulting. You sat down with me, explained how moronic boys could be, and told me that only clever witches succeed. Boys find it intimidating, but men find it the only reason to fall in love."

Sirius raised his eyebrows and snorted. "I said that? How clever am I?" he teased.

Hermione pressed the chocolate to his chest and groaned. "You're horrible, Sirius."

"You are incredibly clever," Sirius nodded and took the chocolate.

"You haven't changed too much," Hermione smiled and maneuvered to straddle his lap.

Sirius grunted and nipped at the sweet. "Well, I'm far too old."

"No, you're not," Hermione snorted.

"I don't have any of my memories, love. Not the ones of Harry, or you, or Moony after I got out. It's a horrible curse," Sirius grumbled.

Hermione hummed as she pulled her curls away from her neck. "Or it's a gift."

"How is that a gift?"

The witch nodded. "You don't have to live through the sadness, depression, or cruelty that you were exposed to in those years."

"The memories that are important and make a difference in relationships I'm missing," Sirius sighed.

"So, make new ones," Hermione beamed.

Sirius grunted and took the chocolate, shoving it in her mouth. Hermione squealed and gasped before fighting against him and sticking bits of the chocolate on his face. They laughed, and it was a sudden motion before Sirius's lips were on Hermione's mouth.

Hermione jerked from him.

"I, Hermione, it," Sirius sputtered as he blinked.

Hermione touched his chest and breathed. "I know you're lonely, Sirius. I also know that I'm damaged, and you don't need that type of baggage, even if just for a night. Life is going to get better, I promise."

"Her," he couldn't finish as she climbed from his lap. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to the loo, and then we're going to get some sleep," Hermione declared.

Sirius scratched his chest hair and hummed. "Did you need me to go, love?"

"No, we're just going to curl up and go to bed," Hermione yawned before flipping on the light in the bathroom.

Sirius blinked and glanced at the witch cleaning her face at the counter. She was in shorts and a low back tank top. He saw the giant scars across Hermione's back as she shifted. Deep gouges in jagged directions from what he could see. That, though surprising, wasn't the oddity. What was odd was the tattoo that rested on her left shoulder. Before he could collect his mind to its origins, Hermione walked back into the room after shutting off the light. It was time for some well-earned rest.

* * *

Hermione threw a punch and grunted as it hit the padding. The woman in front of her nodded and smirked, and prepared for another hit. The setting was a large gym with equipment on the other side, and muggles were around them for the same class.

"Well, you going to tell me or just beat me up?" the woman asked.

Hermione growled and kicked the held pad. "I slept with someone, Pansy," she snapped.

Pansy smirked and put down the padding. "Oh? Isn't that your usual? Was he rich, or did you get up in the duff?"

Hermione bounced on her heels and groaned. "No, I slept with someone I knew, but I didn't know it was them at the time."

"So, if I'm following this right. You were Cat, or Valerie, or whoever you were that night, and they were disguised too?" Pansy asked as she threw down the padding and reached for her water.

Hermione bent and watched her sweat drip to the mat below. "Yes, and I only found out because they were wearing the same attire when I saw them later."

"What's your point?"

"It's a crime against humanity!" Hermione hissed as she glared at the grinning witch.

"No, you living a double life is a crime. The perfect woman trying to reach the top of the ministry who does nothing wrong during the week. Then there's the risk-taking, rule-breaking, and bad ass bitch on the weekends. You can be two things, ya know," Pansy mumbled.

"No, I can't. Sometimes it's nice not to be Hermione Granger. To let go of everything and feel," Hermione paused and glanced away when she straightened her form.

"What? Normal? Give me a fucking break, Granger," Pansy groaned as she wrapped her knuckles.

Hermione glared as she picked up the padding. "What do you want me to say? That I have emotional detachment because no one could stay with someone so broken?"

"And," Pansy said as she kicked the held barrier. "You have a fear of commitment and fight demons long passed, so you find things that make you feel good. You look for things to fill holes in your life. Quite literally in this case," she grinned and punched the padding.

Hermione huffed and found balance on her feet. "Alright, alright, I won't deny you have some sense."

"One of these days," Pansy growled and spun into a heavy kick. "You're going to have to admit you have a problem."

The instructor approached, and he smirked at Pansy punching the barrier. Stepping behind Hermione, he assisted her arms up. "Don't take the weight to your arms," he insisted.

Hermione smiled and nodded. "Thank you."

He lingered, and Pansy rolled her eyes before he walked away. "Do you always have to get hit on?" Pansy growled before kicking again.

Hermione snorted and shook her head. "Don't. It isn't that bad."

"It's like those tattoos make men say gimmie, gimmie," Pansy complained and lowered her stance. "I can't even get Marcus to do more than stick it in. It's become so routine."

Hermione tilted her head and hummed as she lowered the padding. "What if you came out with me tonight? Take off your wedding ring and have men flirt and buy you drinks. Maybe you need an ego boost."

"Are you going to tell me who you slept with?" Pansy questioned as she reached for her water.

"Absolutely not," Hermione puffed before sitting down and stretching out her limbs.

"Why not? Was it Potter?"

Hermione gagged and glared over at the grinning witch. "No."

"Salazar's beard, it wasn't Ronnie, was it?" Pansy prodded.

Hermione grimaced and waved. "No, Ron has his own issues to face. I have a feeling he'll eventually come out and say it."

"The fact that he wants a big fat dick?" Pansy grinned as Hermione glared.

"Not our business, as I told you," Hermione hissed.

Pansy shrugged and waved her hand. "Then I don't have a clue why you'd be so evasive."

Hermione glanced to the windows of the gym and breathed as she reached for her toes. "He was looking for the same thing as me; an escape from being ourselves."

"Then maybe you're fucking perfect together. Two fucked up messes that have intimacy issues. The war fucked us all up, but it did make quite a few of us better for it," Pansy grumbled as she flopped on the ground.

Hermione looked over at the witch and smiled. "I'm glad we became friends."

"Oh, yeah, me too. I always wanted to find a broken know-it-all to beat the shit out of me every other Saturday," Pansy grinned.

* * *

Sirius was enjoying a cup of tea before heading to Harry's house. Hermione was absent this morning when he woke up, and it bothered him. The witch was so difficult to reach at times; it was frustrating.

Why did he do it? He was doing so well and took such excellent care of her during the episode. All the moments he lived before with Remus made it easy to read her symptoms, even before knowing she had night terrors. She was familiar and wonderful. Hermione held all the best qualities, but she hid things as well. He was close to unraveling the bindings that kept her from speaking, only to bugger it by kissing her.

Sirius scrubbed his face and stared down at the tea. Why did she have to make him feel so… normal? Hermione just accepted him and understood him. It was the closest thing to his marauders since being in this time. James would be laughing his arse off at the stupidity of him. Fumbling around like a twit.

The fireplace went off, and the lanky redhead stepped through with a smile. "Good mornin', Sirius," Ron said.

"Good morning, Ron. How's life?" Sirius murmured before sipping his cup.

Ron unceremoniously sat down near Sirius and puffed. "You know, the weekend."

"Yes, the weekend," Sirius snorted.

Ron reached out for the teapot and poured himself a cup. "Sirius, I have a question."

"Yeah? What can I do for you, Ron?

Ron glanced over as he dressed his tea and hummed. "It has to do with you and Remus."

"Alright, but what about it?" Sirius frowned as he set his teacup down.

Ron groaned and leaned back in his seat before staring at Sirius. "You both were, ya know? So, how did you know?"

"We were what? I don't think I'm following," Sirius voiced.

Ron waved his free hand. "Ya know?"

"No, that's what I'm telling you. I don't," Sirius laughed and shrugged.

The redhead ducked closer to the animagus and scowled. "You and Remus. You flirted with him all the time and spent time together…" he trailed off.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "You thought we were shagging?"

Ron's cheeks grew red as he cleared his throat. "Weren't you?"

Sirius barked out in hearty laughter. "No, not at all. Moony's situation would have wrecked an arsehole. I never slept with the bugger, and he was quite into soft witches if you know what I mean."

Ron rubbed the back of his neck as color-tinted his ears and face to a cherry. "Oh, I just thought."

"That I was sucking his knob?"

"Yeah," Ron mumbled.

There was silence as Sirius noted his absolute embarrassment. The young wizard obviously wasn't just here to poke around about the past. Sirius bent forward toward the crumpled redhead and touched his arm.

"Ron, it's alright, ya know? You don't need a reference for it to be okay," Sirius said.

Ron glanced up at him and grimaced. "I just thought."

"You don't have to meet expectations to be happy. You just need to find what makes you happy and hold onto it. Love is love," Sirius nodded as he rubbed the young wizard's shoulder.

Ron reached out, and suddenly Sirius was in an odd predicament. The redhead had kissed him, and Sirius froze in shock and discomfort. How does one not blow over a feather while breathing?

Sirius politely pulled from him and held up a hand. "I'm not gay, Ron. Not that there's a problem with your interests, but you're stirring the wrong cauldron," he explained.

Ron's expression evolved as it scrunched. "I'm sorry, Sirius. I just, you're everything I wanna be."

Sirius smiled and took Ron's hand. "You can still aspire to be that type of man and have different interests. Just give yourself a chance."

Ron moved back and breathed as he continued to rub his neck. "Wednesday, when we were all out drinking, I just saw how you were. I thought if you were flirting with George so much that," he stopped and shrugged.

Sirius laughed and shrugged. "I enjoy flirting, but that doesn't mean much. Someone recently told me it was because I was hiding my nervousness, and that's true. I'm not as balanced as you think, Ron. I bugger up, I hide my feelings, and I am a bit damaged. It's easy to hide that when you smile, flirt, and act like a dunderhead."

"Is it true?" Ron asked as surprise etched on his face.

Sirius nodded. "Yes, it's true. I had to learn at a young age how to act how others wanted me to be. It wasn't until I realized who I was that I grew defiant of it. Now it's easy to fall onto that lesson when I'm uncomfortable, nervous, or bothered. Fake it until you make it."

"So, you do that often?" Ron asked.

Sirius agreed and reached for his tea. "But you don't have to be that way, Ron. You have people that love you and accept you. It won't matter if you like wizards or witches. All I'm saying is it's easier to be yourself and loved than it is always to wonder if you'll be enough because you've hidden so long. Don't be the boggart in the closet. Just be yourself."

Ron exhaled a large breath with a nod. "Thanks, Sirius. We really missed you, and it's so relieving to have you back. You always know just what to say to help."

"I'm glad I could help," Sirius nodded and twitched his nose. "Maybe you could help me with something before I head to Harry's."

"What is it?" Ron questioned.

"Could you explain to me what happened to Hermione? Could you tell me what she's hiding?" Sirius asked as he scratched at his chin.

Ron breathed and sat back in the seat. Obviously, the subject was heavy as his posture changed. "Well, she doesn't like talking about that, Sirius."

"No, but I believe if I'm going to be at her flat a bit, I should know what happened. She was screaming in her sleep last night. She was asking for someone to kill her," Sirius glowered as he leaned toward the redhead.

Ron grimaced as he shuddered away from Sirius. "She still has them? She told me those were mostly over with."

"You knew about them?"

Ron nodded. "Sure. She kept my secret," he paused and smiled half-heartedly. "And I kept hers."

"What happened?" Sirius inquired.

Ron exhaled and rubbed his face with both his hands. "Sirius, she was banged up badly after Malfoy Manor."

"When she was tortured?"

Ron pulled his hands away and nodded. "I'll tell you what happened, but you need to promise me not to tell her I said anything."

"Alright, I promise," Sirius responded and held out his hand.

Ron shook his hand and breathed. "Alright, we were caught in the forest, and Bellatrix, Fenrir, and the Malfoys were there…" he began the story of such a disturbing nature.


	5. Chapter 5

Ginny was sitting with Sirius as he was rocking Albus in his arms. The children were always pleasant to have around, and Harry had a wonderful family. It brought a different texture to life and reminded him of the promise James and Lily held. The remarkable echoes of years ago were held decades later.

"He's been better since you got back," Ginny murmured as she shifted in her seat.

Harry was putting James down for a nap, leaving them to talk freely.

"I've been trying, Ginny. I know you both are having difficulty sifting through all these changes," Sirius sighed as he pulled Albus closer.

"He's been so lost, Sirius. Lost in his work, lost in trying to fix his friends. Just lost. I have a hard time sifting through it and being the wife and the mother," Ginny confessed.

Sirius relaxed further in the chair and breathed. "Well, I have a feeling Ron's going to be doing much better. We had a chat. I do have a question about Hermione."

"Oh? What about her? If you know where she disappears on the weekends, I'd be more than relieved to hear she's talking to someone about it," Ginny voiced while scratching her neck.

"Disappears?" Sirius questioned.

Ginny rocked her head while rolling her eyes. "I've gone over to her flat many weekends in a row to try and catch her and drag her out for 'girl-time,' or even just time to talk. She's out from sunrise to sometimes even the next day. At least, I think it's until then. She won't send me a letter apologizing about being away until the next afternoon."

Sirius scowled as he shifted the baby. "Really? What does she do?"

"That's the thing, no one knows!" Ginny hissed. "Not even Harry. Or at least that he'll tell me. He doesn't even think it's odd. He calls her particular and solitary. I think she's hiding something."

"It bothers you that he's close with her?" Sirius asked.

"Sometimes," Ginny sighed. "It's ridiculous and totally illogical, but occasionally I feel like he's more concerned with her life than with ours. Always stopping by to have lunch with her or get her books when we're out shopping."

"You feel like he's cheating without really cheating," Sirius voiced.

Ginny groaned and waved her hand. "It's completely barmy because I know they don't feel romantic or anything of the sort."

"Well, he doesn't have a sibling. Maybe he sees how you are with yours and tries to imitate it with Hermione," Sirius suggested.

Ginny paused her pouting and breathed. He watched as the redhead absorbed what he said before she gazed back at him. "No, I think it's more than that. I think he will always feel indebted to her until she's righted, but he doesn't want to push. Almost as if he has survivor's guilt about the war and what she had to live through."

"Which is unattractive because he panders to her," Sirius nodded.

"Exactly! No one is allowed to make Hermione uncomfortable, pry, or even try to get her to be bloody pushed out of her isolation. He makes me so angry because she isn't right. She hasn't been right for years, and he just allows it in this passive manner. I didn't marry him because he was a sniveler," Ginny growled and puffed as she waved a hand.

"Harry doesn't know where she goes?" Sirius asked while arching an eyebrow.

Ginny shrugged. "He says it isn't our business if she doesn't tell us. He says my mother would pry and prod, and that's what I hated, so I shouldn't replicate it."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "As much as I love your mother," he grinned and winked. "I have to disagree. I'm curious about what the witch ran off to do at the crack of dawn this morning. She wasn't in bed when I woke up."

"How did you know she was gone?" Ginny asked.

Sirius ran his tongue along his teeth. "She had a night terror, and I helped her with it before we went back to bed. She didn't want me to leave the room, so she was already gone when I woke up at seven. After a night terror, you'd think she'd sleep in."

"Night terror?" Harry echoed as he walked into the room. "Who's having night terrors?"

"Apparently, Hermione is, which I didn't even know she had them," Ginny glared.

Sirius tightened his jaw. Hermione was serious about how much she didn't like talking about the war. It was clear that she avoided it completely with her friends aside from Ron.

"No, she said she's been doing great," Harry waved and sat down next to Sirius. "Right, Sirius?"

"She had one last night," Sirius relayed.

Harry scowled and turned to Sirius. "What do you mean she had one last night? How often does she have them?"

"None this last week, unless," Sirius paused as his brow tightened.

"Unless?" Harry asked.

"Unless she puts a silencing charm on the room! I'm the biggest moron on this side of the Atlantic. She fell asleep with me while we were watching films, and I put her to bed. That's the only reason I knew she didn't have her room charmed," Sirius explained and shook his head.

"How do you know it's not an isolated event?" Ginny inquired.

Sirius handed Harry the sleeping baby and stood up, starting to pace as he scrubbed his face. "She had chocolate in her night table and water by her bed. Hermione isn't a dumb witch. She's found different ways to do this all by herself."

"You mean she sits there and cries all by herself? What was her nightmare about?" Harry grimaced.

Sirius turned to him and exhaled. "I think it was about her being tortured. She was screaming for someone to kill her."

Harry looked physically injured. He winced as if a large hand crossed his face. "That's horrible."

Ginny covered her mouth, and her eyes were wide. "Sirius, what are we going to do? She can't keep reliving that."

Sirius was reviewing at warp speed the memories of first meeting Remus John Lupin how it took them so long to get him integrated and open up about the memories he relived in his night terrors. How, after the many times of trying to abate them, he finally was relieved of the beast he feared.

"I have an idea. Don't tell her you to know about all this, alright? If she gets angry at someone, I want it to be me," Sirius nodded.

"What are you going to do?" Harry asked with a frown.

"I'm going to do what I did to Moony. I'm going to force her to rely on me," Sirius declared with a single nod.

"She's not a teenage werewolf, Sirius," Harry started.

Sirius waved his hand and glared. "No, Harry, she's an adult witch who knows exactly what she's fucking doing. I went through ten years of Remus, always believing he didn't deserve kindness due to something he couldn't change. I'm not going to let that bloody brilliant witch do the same shit."

Harry appeared crestfallen as he stared down at his son. "This is my fault."

"No, it's not. She could have said something. She could have asked for help. She could have stopped hiding her problems like they were resentments to her friends," Ginny growled as she stood up. "Sirius is right, and I know he can help her."

The tapping at the window knocked the conversation off-kilter as Ginny walked over. She opened the window to let the owl inside. It was a beautiful barn owl, and it dropped the letter on the table before fluttering off to the window. Without any hesitation, it took off, and Ginny scowled.

"Who's she writing to?" Ginny asked.

Harry lifted the note and raised his eyebrows. "It's for Sirius."

"Who's it from?" He asked while retrieving the letter.

"Hermione," Ginny said before sitting back down.

Sirius opened the letter and glared.

Sirius,

I'll be out rather late tonight. One of my former classmates is having marital issues, and she needs some cheering up. I know you're still over at Harry's, and if you feel peckish when you get home, I have some snacks in the ice bin. I bought more ice cream while I was out and even that ale you like. Enjoy your day, and I'll see you tomorrow.

Hermione

"She's literally going to avoid me?" Sirius spat.

Ginny took the note from him and blinked. "Who is she friends with from Hogwarts that she's spending time with?"

Harry moved from the seat and set James down in the bassinet. "What do you mean?"

"Hermione said she's cheering up a former classmate. Is Luna in town?" Ginny asked.

Sirius glanced between them as the Potters were deciphering the clues, but he wasn't interested in the who. He wanted to know the why. Why did she leave him alone? Why wouldn't she just let him apologize? Why wouldn't she just stay put long enough for him to see her?

"Well, I think we went through everyone," Ginny sighed after their back and forth.

Sirius shook from his mental war and blinked. "What?"

Harry tilted his head from side to side. "Well, there's always Pansy."

"What?" Ginny spat.

"Yeah, Flint was telling me how they do some kickboxing class in London every other weekend."

"Why is this the first time I've heard her doing a class with Pansy?" Ginny growled as she tapped her foot.

"I told you two weeks ago," Harry grumbled. "I said Hermione has been spending Saturdays doing kickboxing classes with Flint's wife."

Ginny scrubbed her face. "I didn't realize he married Pansy Parkinson."

"Hermione does kickboxing? What is that?" Sirius asked as he twitched his nose.

Harry rolled his shoulders and took the note from Ginny. "Well, it's boxing with kicks, I assume. Flint said Pansy really enjoys it, and they go out for smoothies after. They started doing it after seeing each other at the same muggle gym doing some sort of class before the kickboxing."

"You know an awful lot about this, Flint," Sirius smirked.

"He works for me, Sirius," Harry laughed and then scowled. "She actually feels bad enough leaving you at her house alone that she bought you ice cream?"

"What do you mean?" Ginny questioned.

Harry lifted the note. "Hermione bought him ice cream because she left. That's Hermione's form of an apology."

Ginny scratched her head. "Yes, but still."

Sirius took the note back and reread it. "For as much as she talks, she doesn't, does she, Harry?"

Harry rocked his head. "Books, subjects she likes, theories, all of that she could talk your ear off. Emotions are a bit harder on her. She doesn't like to touch on them," Harry voiced and then exhaled.

"But this is a way you keep tabs on her?" Sirius questioned.

Harry nodded. "This has been the only way I've been able. Flint said Pansy was happy to see if Hermione wouldn't mind someone to talk to, and that's how they ended up meeting. No one needed to be the wiser about it."

Ginny poked Harry and glared. "You set Pansy up to become friends with Hermione, and you didn't tell me?"

Harry cringed as he rubbed his arm. "Well, Gin, I was trying to be discreet. I told you I was making sure she wasn't going to jump off a cliff."

Sirius scratched his chin. "Do you think you can ask Flint where they would be going?"

The Potters looked at him with a mirrored expression of skepticism. "Why do you want to know?" Ginny asked.

"Just to be sure if she doesn't make it home, I know where to sniff around," Sirius mumbled and avoided looking them in the eye.

"Well," Harry exhaled. "I'll pretend I believe you. I'll ask him and let you know."

"Sirius, you can't just barge into her evening out," Ginny said. "As much as I would love to shake her and tell her to stop acting so isolated, we can't go that far."

"I swear, I would not be confronting her about anything. I just want to be positive she's alright," Sirius said with a nod. "I'll even disguise myself," he murmured.

"Okay, I can agree to that. Maybe you'll find out where she runs off to," Harry snorted and went to sit back down.

Ginny walked over to the desk and snatched up a quill and parchment. "Now I'm curious about how this turns out. Harry, write to him now while they're likely out, so Pansy doesn't know."

Harry groaned and nodded. "Fine, fine."

Sirius nodded to Ginny, who was smiling. It seemed like everyone was in agreement. Well, for the most part. They were going to see what the brilliant witch had been doing.


	6. Chapter 6

Sirius mended the wrinkles in his vest and glanced next to him. "Can you at least appear excited?"

The man with blond hair and green eyes groaned. "Sirius, do we really have to do this? I hate how this looks."

"Ron, we're doing this for Hermione, alright? Besides, I could teach you a few tips on how to flirt," Sirius smirked as they walked up to the bar.

Ron rubbed his face and nodded. "Fine, alright. I just feel so weird in these clothes."

"It's a nice vest, and men find it attractive. It's ladies' night, so the likelihood of a few handsome wingmen with the ladies is high," Sirius winked and nudged him.

Even in disguise, the red in Ron's cheeks couldn't be ignored. "Alright, Sirius."

They entered, and Sirius was shocked to see what kind of bar it was. It had cave walls, or at least the appearance of them, and the vibe was electric. Ron seemed to perk up as he looked around, nodding, and they made their way to the counter.

"Look at all those barmy drinks," Ron whistled.

Sirius scanned the room as Ron decided. He didn't see Hermione anywhere. It wasn't disgustingly packed, but there were tons of people around, and the music was decent enough.

"What are you getting, Sirius?" Ron asked.

"Just water. I'm alright without a drink for the moment," Sirius murmured as his eyes were looking for curly hair.

Ron paid for his drink, and Sirius took the water glass before they ventured forth. Finding a table, Sirius turned to the blond and hummed. "Have you ever been to a muggle bar before?"

"Once, with Harry," Ron nodded as he sipped his beer.

"This is a nice one," Sirius mused and gandered at the atmosphere.

It was pretty stellar, and the environment almost felt primal. Sirius liked these kinds of bars. They were meant for people like him who thrived in a place off of setting alone. It was playful, sensuous, and daring. However, he wasn't here to find someone to shag. He was here to find Hermione and make sure... well, he wasn't positive what he was here to check. Her welfare, maybe? Possibly.

"Oh, look, there's Pansy," Ron murmured.

Sirius jerked and glanced in the direction he was looking. On the dance floor was a scraggly haired woman in a purple dress. She was dancing with a guy and laughing.

"Are you sure that's her purple?" Sirius frowned.

"Not that one, the one in the tight green getup flirting with the tall bloke," Ron mumbled and gestured to the pair beyond the dance floor.

* * *

Hermione was smirking as she watched the pair nearby. Pansy was flirting with the man who just bought her a drink, and she was waiting for the signal to save her. Straightening the wispy maroon dress, she batted her long hair from her shoulder.

Just as she was about to go get herself a drink, she spotted him. Sirius. No, well, he was Lucas. Why wouldn't this man stop following her! Damnit! Hermione rushed over and gripped Pansy's arm.

"We have to go," she hissed.

The stranger looked quite put out at Hermione's intrusion.

Pansy, however, appeared shocked. "What's wrong?"

"That man I told you about is here!" Hermione growled through her teeth.

"You can go," Pansy gestured to the man with her hand. "I'm married."

"What a cunt," the man growled and walked away.

Pansy ducked closer to Hermione. "Where is he?"

Hermione subtly pointed to the table where two men were sitting. They seemed to be surveying the area. Pansy tilted her head and huffed. "Well, did you come as the woman he's fucked?"

"Yes, he knows me as Cat," Hermione hissed.

"Why don't you change in the loo and come back out?"

Hermione breathed and nodded. "Alright."

"I gotta go pee anyway, let's go," Pansy said and dragged Hermione along.

The pair were just about to the bathrooms when the man Hermione was dreading to see her came over their way. Hermione licked her lips and smiled just as Sirius stopped in front of them.

"Lucas," Hermione smiled.

He smiled and arched an eyebrow. "Enjoying ladies' night? I could buy you both a drink, and we can sit down with my friend."

"He's more charming than you said," Pansy responded while nudging Hermione.

Hermione narrowed her eyes at Pansy before exhaling and turning to Sirius. "We were just headed to the loo, and we might hop to the next spot."

"It's just a drink, kitten. I'm not asking for your knickers yet," He smirked.

Hermione swallowed. "I, well," she tried.

"Cat, why don't you run to the loo, and we'll meet you at the table," Pansy smiled and nudged her again.

"Oh, it's fine, really," Hermione declared.

Sirius crossed his arms and tilted his head. Even through the disguise, she could see his impatience. "I at least owe you a beer for last night. You bought mine," Sirius insisted.

"Alright," Hermione agreed.

Pansy grinned as Sirius pivoted and began walking back to his table. "This is so much better than being hit on all night. I get to make you squirm," she whispered in Hermione's ear.

Hermione squeezed her arm and glared as they walked. "Don't be a bitch," Hermione hissed.

"I'm not, I'm just," Pansy stopped as they reached the table. "Enjoying the fact that our little Cat is all grown up," she teased and pinched Hermione's cheek.

Hermione batted her hand away and huffed before sitting down. "I apologize, my friend, Pansy is a bit much."

"You're a handsome guy," Pansy said to the blond. "What's your name?"

"Richard," he answered.

"Well, Richard, you're going to go buy me a drink," Pansy ordered.

Richard blinked and glanced at Sirius. "You heard the lady," Sirius said.

"Fine," he sighed and stood up.

"Now, don't be all excited about it," Pansy rolled her eyes and left with Richard.

Hermione sucked on her lower lip and attempted a smile. "She's a bit much."

Sirius leaned over the table and smirked. "You were as well last night. What happened, were you declawed?"

"No, I just wasn't expecting to see you," Hermione sighed as she brushed her long hair from her shoulder.

Sirius moved closer and ran a finger along her shoulder, removing the rest of her hair. "I'm a little disappointed you're not happy to see me. We had an excellent night," he murmured.

Hermione's cheeks darkened as he was in her proximity. "We did," she breathed.

"I would suggest we continue such, but alas, I am my friend's wingman tonight," Sirius sighed and ran his fingers along her neck.

She smiled despite the barmy circumstance. Here she was, being cornered by Sirius Black in disguise. The man she thoroughly shagged last night as she was disguised. This wasn't a horrible idea, all things considered. She wouldn't end up drunkenly shag him later and quite possibly could get Pansy a decent evening after all.

"I came out to help my friend deal with her partner-trouble herself," Hermione smiled.

"Blessed are the wicked," Sirius grinned.

Pansy and Richard came back with beers and set one down in front of Hermione and Sirius. "Seems you can get a man to buy the whole table drinks if you smile enough," she laughed and sat down. "How cute is that bartender?"

Richard gulped and rolled his eyes. "Stop it."

Hermione blinked. "Oh, I didn't realize."

Sirius scooped the man under his arm and smirked. "Richie here isn't loud and proud yet, but we're working on it."

"Are you brothers?" Hermione asked. Of course, they weren't, but it was an appropriate thing to ask.

"No, just mates. We've known each other how long now, Richie?"

Richard waved his hand. "Years."

Pansy smirked and waved a finger at him. "Look, over there. He's glanced at you twice. Let's go. I'm winging it for you, Rich."

"No, no, it's fine," Richard huffed.

Pansy didn't take no for an answer and dragged the man off toward the other side of the room. Hermione sighed and shook her head. "She's something."

Sirius sipped his beer and gestured to the dance floor. "Want to dance?"

Hermione drank a large mouthful of hers. This was going to be a long night. "Sure."

Another sip from their beers, and they were off. It wasn't as lusty as the first time they had danced, but then again, Hermione also wasn't as drunk. The music was a slow grind, and the way this man touched her was fire.

"You're so delicious," he murmured as he gripped her hip.

Fuck.

"You're not so bad, yourself," she teased.

"Where's that feisty Cat I had last night?"

Hermione licked her lips and tilted her head to the side. "I'm a bit subdued after such a decent shag," she smiled.

She was on the road to ruin and really needed Pansy to get her the fuck out of here. How this man lit her fire, and now that she knew it was Sirius, it was worse. So, much worse.

"Well, I won't be shagging you tonight, kitten. You need more than an escape," He whispered into her ear.

Hermione could feel the heat radiate off of her like a beacon. "What do I need?"

He turned her and cupped her cheek. "Understanding," he said before bending to her face.

Sirius kissed like he was being sent off to war. Hell, the man fucked like that too. Hermione whimpered and coiled her arms around his neck as he enveloped her. Hermione's knees were weak, and the thrumming in her chest only caused her to feel breathless.

They pulled apart, and Hermione licked the saliva off her lower lip. "That's a good start," Sirius smirked.

"Hey, princess, I'm gonna order food," Pansy intruded the bubble they were inside.

Hermione blinked and looked over to see her smirking. "Oh, alright."

"Rich is busy," Pansy laughed and nudged her thumb behind her.

It seems Richard was indeed busy. He was chatting with some tall-dark-and-handsome by the bar counter. Sirius took a hand from Hermione's back and cheered. "That's a good man!" He called out. Many people around them looked with shock, but Richard didn't seem to hear. Sirius released the hold on her and nodded to Pansy. "Let's eat."

They found a booth and snagged up some decent bar food. Sirius was engaging Pansy with some excellent stories from school. Of course, he edited out much of the magical prospects, but they were remarkably entertaining. Sirius kept pulling Hermione closer, tracing circles on her arm or fiddling with her hair. By a stranger's account, they would have been dating.

After the food was gone and three more drinks were hand, Pansy called it quits with a wink. That left Hermione alone with Sirius. She knew she shouldn't have indulged that much. Her mind was a bit fuzzy.

"Seems Rich found someone to play with," Sirius chuckled.

Hermione glanced over and smiled at the pair snogging in the corner. "Well, loud and proud he might be after tonight," she turned to Sirius. "You did well."

"Want to get out of here?" He asked.

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked as she blushed.

"Back to my place, kitten. Get you out of this dress," Sirius grinned.

Hermione blinked. He was going to take some strange woman back to her flat? Would he really do something so dodgy?

"I thought you couldn't take me home last night, Luke," Hermione frowned as she looked between his eyes.

Sirius breathed and tilted his head from side to side. "Well, things change. I have something I want to show you."

Hermione bit the inside of her cheek but nodded. "Alright."

He slid from the booth and held out his hand. "I promise everything's going to be alright."

"I trust you," Hermione responded with a smile, and they left the bar.


	7. Chapter 7

The cab was an interesting affair to get back to the flat. It had been a quick second since Hermione rode in one, and Sirius played with her hair the whole time. This bothered her beyond belief that Sirius Black would be this much of a twit. Bringing a strange woman back to her flat without consent?

Well, she couldn’t really blame him. It still was dodgy, and she would tell him so if he did attempt to shag her. That’s what they were doing, right? All these questions drummed through her head as they climbed the steps.

“This is a nice area,” Hermione said.

“Oh, yes, it’s nice. Not usually my style, but I can appreciate it,” Sirius agreed and turned to open the door.

When he welcomed her inside, the lights flickered on, and she glanced around. Hermione had done this song and dance a few times with other men. Checking for windows, exits, and variables would lead to a hasty escape if she needed one besides her wand. It also seemed normal.

“Let me get some wine, and why don’t you sit on the couch?” Sirius offered.

Hermione nodded and gestured to the sitting room. “This is a nice place. Plenty of books, and the coloring is great.” A little jab she had to smile at.

“Well, my friend would likely agree with you. She decorated it,” Sirius called out from the kitchen.

“You have a roommate?” 

Sirius reappeared with wine glasses and a smile. “I wouldn’t call her that. She’s more valuable than a roommate.”

Hermione took the glass and looked toward the bookcases. “Thank you. You say she’s more valuable?”

“Yes, she is clever, empathetic, and absolutely gorgeous,” Sirius declared as he sat down.

Hermione glared at him while sipping her glass. “Then why aren’t you bringing her home?”

“I just did, love,” Sirius said.

Hermione could die.

“Did you have fun tonight? I was hoping to keep the ploy up for your benefit,” Sirius continued and pulled out his wand, flicking it at himself.

Hermione didn’t move. She was stunned on the spot as her wine glass hung in her hand. How long?

Sirius sipped his glass and gestured to her. “By the look on your face, it seems like you didn’t realize I knew it was you tonight. Believe you me, I was just as surprised when Ron pointed out Pansy, and I saw the woman I shagged hanging off her arm.”

“Ron? That was Ron?” Hermione breathed.

Sirius scowled and gestured to her. “Can you drop your transfiguration and come sit?”

Hermione shook herself and pulled out her wand, flicking it at herself. What was long and black hair was now spiraled curls. Her face was full and less gaunt, and her skin darkened to sun-kissed caramel.

“Much better,” Sirius smiled.

Hermione moved to the sofa and sat a length away from him. “You came to find me?”

Sirius grimaced and waved his free hand in the air. “I wanted to make sure you were alright. I was concerned after this morning.”

“So, you dragged Ron along?” Hermione questioned before sipping her wine.

“He came by this morning and kissed me,” Sirius snorted. “He owed me one.”

Hermione snorted with a smile. “He kissed you? Merlin, I knew Ron had high standards, but that’s quite high,” she said, and then her cheeks darkened.

Sirius tilted his head as he watched her embarrassment. “How often do you dress up and shag strangers in a studio apartment you rent just for that reason?”

She looked down at her glass and breathed. “More than I care to admit.”

Sirius touched her cheek, and her eyes grew glassy. “It’s alright, I understand.”

“I just need to be someone else for a bit, Sirius. I need to feel something other than pain and hopelessness,” She whimpered as the tears trailed down her cheeks.

“Look at me,” he ordered.

She gazed up at him and bit her lower lip. “I didn’t know it was you until you came home last night,” she whispered.

“I know,” he agreed. “I know what you’re feeling because I feel that too. You feel so broken and smashed that you think no one would ever want that. No one would ever want even to attempt to love that. You’re so very wrong, Hermione.”

She gasped on a wave of sobs and shook her head. “Sirius, I scream out in the middle of the night, I have monstrous scars, and I don’t know the first thing about being more than this.”

He touched her cheek and traced his thumb below her eye. “That’s alright. Don’t you see? You don’t have to be anything more than who you are. You’re remarkable, regardless of what you feel is damaging. I’ve spent a decent amount of time trying not to find you attractive,” Sirius chuckled while shaking his head. 

Hermione laughed through her tears and shook her head. “Don’t lie to me to make me feel better, Sirius Black.”

He arched an eyebrow. “I’ll have you know. I’ve never lied to you. You’d sniff it out too quickly for me to get away with it.”

“The bit about the alley cat you did,” she challenged with a smirk.

Sirius groaned as he grinned. “But I did meet an alley cat, and I shagged her into the floor. She was on the prowl, and I was looking for more than loneliness.”

Hermione pulled from him and sipped her wine. “You were an incredibly decent shag,” she murmured while looking at the bookcases.

“Did you like that bit with the robe tie?” He asked while wagging his eyebrows.

She glanced back at him and smirked. “I’ve seen better.”

He narrowed his eyes and raised his index finger at her. “Don’t make me take up that challenge.”

“Or what?” Hermione questioned.

Sirius took Hermione’s wine glass from her fingers and set his down. He then shifted closer and watched her eyes grow large and dilated. “I was planning on a relaxing evening to give you time to adjust. If you keep this foreplay up,” he paused and ran his fingers down her neck. “I’ll be positive you won’t think of anything else for a week.”

Hermione pushed her thighs together and swallowed. This man was so beyond the word sexy. He was the bloody definition. The origins of the word itself. Her lips felt almost numb from the anticipation he just created in every cell in her body.

Just as the build-up was overwhelming, Sirius pulled away. “Now, I did promise I was going to get you out of that dress. Why don’t I run you a bath, and we can talk.”

Hermione let out a shuttered breath. “Talk about what?”

“About you. About this. About when you’re going to stop running from yourself,” Sirius nodded as he rubbed her thigh.

They sat a moment, and Sirius looked at her. The evolution of Hermione and what this night’s culmination had done. The emotional layers that she had to rip off to accept what she was doing were harmful. It was this beautiful mess of color, hardship, and perseverance. Anyone else would have likely cracked and crumbled by now. 

Hermione stood up and turned. “Unzip me.”

Sirius arched an eyebrow but erected himself and complied. Hermione pulled from the dress, and it revealed the scars. Even under her lacy knickers, they were visible. The monster had left her more than a permanent reminder of his claim over her, but an emotional wound to add.

He breathed and touched her back with the full of his hand. “You fought,” he said.

“With my life,” Hermione murmured. “Little good did that do.”

Sirius unhooked the bra and ran his fingers down the length of her back. “I’ve told Moony so many times that scars aren’t ugly. Only the moments that create them are. It’s over, and you can relinquish that as just a sour memory you lived through.”

“Sirius, you don’t have to live with them,” Hermione huffed.

It was nearly the same quote. Sirius smiled and bent to her skin, kissing her lovely flesh. “But you’re not the one who will love them. This is a sign of strength, not weakness.”

“Who could love that?” Hermione whispered as she tucked her chin to her collarbone. 

“I,” Sirius began, but a knock at the door interrupted them.

Hermione rushed off with her dress in hand to her bedroom and shut the door. Sirius wanted to kick the knocker who invaded their bubble. He stomped off to the door and looked through the hole, groaning at the occupant.

He opened the door and tightened his lips. “Yes, Ron?”

Ron walked in the door and grinned. “Sirius, you were right!” He exclaimed and punched Sirius’s chest lightly.

Sirius nodded and shifted. “I usually am.”

“No, really, you were right! I just needed to take the chance. Oh, I feel greater than when we won the Quidditch Cup, and I was the Keeper!” Ron exclaimed as he walked inside. “Oi, where’s Hermione? You both were drinking wine?”

The bedroom door opened, and Hermione slipped out in a sweater and leggings. “Evening, Ron.”

Ron smirked and waved his finger at her. “You thought you could transfigure yourself, and we wouldn’t know. Why did you do that?”

Hermione paced out to the sitting room and smiled as she grabbed her wine. “So that I could hide. Pansy told me Blaise might track us down, and I really didn’t want to deal with the Granger bit.”

Ron snorted. “That tosser. Did you like my transfigured look? Sirius helped.”

Hermione nodded and smiled before sipping her glass. “Yes, you looked dashing.”

Sirius walked by her and picked up his glass. “Top notch,” Sirius agreed.

They were standing close, and Ron scowled. “Are you two arguing? You both feel,” he stopped and moved his hand. “Tense.”

“I told you! I told you he would know! But you can’t just agree on anything I say,” Sirius growled and glared at Hermione.

Hermione turned and narrowed her eyes. “Well, I would agree if you bloody made sense!” Hermione snapped back, trying to stifle her smile.

“You think you’re so bloody brilliant. So damn crafty and beautiful. Why can’t you just take a compliment, love?” Sirius voiced with a sneer.

Hermione grabbed his vest and pulled him closer to her face. “Because you lack the action, Sirius Black,” She groaned.

Sirius snorted and turned back to Ron with a grin. “No, mate, we’re not arguing. We were just discussing what film we were going to watch.”

Ron’s eyes were huge. “Are you sure? I haven’t heard Hermione yell in some time.”

Hermione patted Sirius’s chest before pivoting to Ron. “We are just joking, Ron. He thinks it’s funny to compliment me in arguments,” she shrugged her shoulders before sipping her glass.

Ron frowned and hummed. “You both are acting quite barmy.”

“So, what was his name?” Hermione asked, clearly changing the subject.

Ron rubbed his face and gazed at the wall. “Brad.”

“Is he a football player?” Hermione questioned.

Ron snapped his vision back to her. “What gives you that idea?”

“That’s a little your type, Ron,” she giggled and shook her head. “Football is like quidditch on the grass.”

Ron rolled his eyes. “No, he didn't play muggle quidditch. I was just coming here to thank Sirius for giving me the confidence,” he grumbled and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Well, that’s great, Ron. Glad I could help,” Sirius said.

Hermione could tell he was getting impatient. Sirius’s lips were tight, and he rolled his neck. He was doing everything he could not tell him to get out. 

“Alright, well, I think I’m going to go shower, and we’re going to watch a movie,” Hermione said before drinking the last of her wine.

“Oh, good idea,” Ron said and walked up to her. “You look tonight was cute, but I always like the real you best, ‘mione,” he smiled and kissed her cheek.

“Ron, I love you, but you won’t keep calling me that,” Hermione huffed.

Ron walked over to Sirius and held out his hand. “Comin’ to mum’s tomorrow for dinner?”

Sirius snorted and shook it. “Yeah, Harry asked me to go. I’ll drag her along too.”

“I’m not going. Molly won’t stop griping at me to find a decent wizard,” Hermione groaned.

Sirius gasped as he held onto Ron’s hand. “I have a brilliant idea!”

“No, absolutely not! You don’t even have to say it for me to know what you’re thinking is a horrible idea,” Hermione grumbled as she walked toward the kitchen.

“What is it, Sirius?” Ron asked as he pulled his hand away.

“I’m going to pose as your boyfriend, love,” Sirius shouted.

Hermione stomped back into the room and glared. “Absolutely not! Do you even know what that would do? Do you even understand what the Weasleys would do to you or say? Merlin, I’m definitely not going now,” She glared at him.

Ron shifted and pointed between them. “That’s actually a good way to get my mum to leave her alone. She'll curse you, but leave her alone.”

“I’m charming, easy on the eye, and quite witty when I want to be,” Sirius smirked and sipped his wine.

“You’re also flamboyant, loud, and a lech,” Hermione grumbled while waving her hand. “At least what others know of you.”

Sirius shrugged and hummed. “Well, beggars can’t be choosers. You have to take the brilliant with the wicked, love.”

Hermione breathed and pressed her hand to her face. “Sirius Black, what am I going to do with you?”

“Love me. You have no other choice,” Sirius responded.

“I’ll see you both at dinner tomorrow,” Ron grinned. “I can’t wait to see George’s face. He has a flutter with Bill on when Hermione was going to tell you about her fancy.”

Hermione dropped her hand, and her face read pure shock. “Ronald Weasley!”

Ron winced. “Well, I best be going,” he rushed out and marched to the door.

Hermione picked up the pillow off her chair and tossed it just as he got to the door. “What did I tell you about spilling my secrets!” She snapped and stomped her foot.

“Good night!” Ron called out, and the door shut.

Sirius was grinning like he just won a prize. “You fancied me? Your little teenage fancy was me?”

Hermione crossed her arms and puffed. “Yes, well, you were handsome once cleaned up, and you were kind, witty, and adorable with Harry,” Hermione grumbled and twitched her nose. “Doesn’t mean I always agreed.”

Sirius approached her and smirked as he rubbed her shoulder. “Love, don’t be angry at the twit. Remember, he off and kissed me like he had a chance.”

Hermione snorted and huffed. “Well, alright, but that doesn’t change anything.”

“Like hell, it doesn’t,” Sirius growled and pulled her in for a kiss by touching her cheek.

Hermione sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss. Sirius groaned and pressed her against the bookcase with sheer delight. Had he asked himself at all what he was doing? Absolutely, but that voice was hushed as she coiled her legs around his hips.

He pulled away and began nuzzling her neck.

“Sirius, wait,” Hermione moaned.

“What’s,” he paused his question to lick her flesh. “Wrong?”

“Sirius,” her voice was soft and unsure.

He pulled away to see her scowling even through the beautiful tints of arousal. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

“No, just let me climb down a minute,” Hermione murmured as she let her legs to the floor. “You just got back. You don’t have your memories. This is a bit much.”

Sirius glanced between her eyes and nodded. “Alright.”

“I’m just worried that you’re grasping at anything to make you feel less lonely,” Hermione confessed as she looked away.

He frowned and breathed. “That’s rather unfair to say.”

“How is that unfair?” Hermione questioned.

“Because I’m not stupid, love. I know when I’ve found something good in a sea of bad. I knew that the moment I met you,” Sirius said as he stepped from her. “You threw me against that wall, and I knew you were so much more than you even know.”

Hermione closed her eyes and scrunched her face. “Damn your excellent lines, Sirius.”

“Good enough to continue?” He asked with a smirk.

“Good enough for you to sleep in my bed tonight and take me to the Weasleys tomorrow. However, we aren’t dating, not like this,” Hermione exhaled and licked her lips. 

“Well,” Sirius grumbled as he shifted. “I suppose I’ll just have to wear you down,” he smiled.

Hermione sighed as her lips curled. “You’re ridiculous and charming. I believe I was going to bathe, and we were going to get some sleep?”

Sirius agreed and stepped toward the hallway. “Do you mind if I sit in there with you? We can just chat about ridiculous things.”

“Yes, we can do that,” Hermione smirked and took his hand before leading him down the hall.


	8. Chapter 8

Sirius was up in the morning bright and early. It had been that way since waking up in that horrible room that gave him the creeps. The whispering and the curtain with an odd degree of understanding he knew he didn’t have before. His mind felt expanded as if he had obtained the secrets to life in a different language but still understood them to a degree. How does one explain that? Sirius was still trying to find the words for it himself.

He knew, despite his idiocies and problems, that he wasn't a moron. No, he didn’t mind that others did. He thought he was at one point, but for the most part, he was pretty intelligent. Well, look at the ridiculous idea of becoming animagi, his idea, by the way. However, this last week really gave him moments to scratch his head at where his intelligence came from. This new standard of what was it? Awareness?

Sirius turned over on his mattress and puffed. It was lonely but needed. After Hermione fell asleep, Sirius knew he couldn’t stay. He wanted more than she was able to give, and it wouldn’t serve either of them justice. Burying the side of his face in his pillow, he thought about Remus and James for different reasons.

Remus would have been the logic and told him that the trauma that she suffered from being a difficult hurdle. Her self-destruction would only exasperate it. Yeah, yeah, but it was worth the struggle. Remus was so intelligent about internal wounds but not so great at the acceptance of his own.

James would have looked at his wife then back at him. ‘You’re a dunderhead if you don’t try, Padfoot,’ he would say. Sirius knew that, but he also knew it was undeserving. He wasn’t one to grow attached, and somehow in a week’s time, this witch had dug down, peeled away from his defenses, and made him her dog. His budding loyalty and familiarity only would grow. It was so difficult!

Sirius groaned and scrubbed his face.

“Sirius, are you awake?” Hermione murmured, as a hiss of her hand was on the door.

“Yes, love,” Sirius declared.

“Are you decent?”

Sirius arched an eyebrow and glanced down at his naked form in the sheets. “Well, I’m covered if that’s what you’re wondering.”

Hermione was silent a moment before the door opened. “Can I come in a moment? I had a bad dream,” she murmured with sleep still clinging to her face.

Sirius nodded, and Hermione walked over to the smaller mattress, resting across from him. “What happened?”

“I just,” Hermione breathed and closed her eyes. “It was about you leaving. I know you’ll eventually want to.”

Had Sirius thought about leaving at all? Actually, he hadn’t. Not once did he toy with the concept of leaving her flat, and the thought made him grimace. She was thinking about it, and it twisted in his chest. “What about me leaving, love?” He asked.

She pulled closer to him and embraced his torso. “I just have really enjoyed having you around. I know this isn’t permanent, but it’s been so nice. I feel like you don’t judge me or expect more of me. You’ll eventually want to get out there and enjoy the luster of life.”

“I was under the impression that I didn’t have to leave until I was ready. Harry gave me the vault back, so I wasn’t going to be a leech, and I’m house trained,” He teased and grinned against her forehead.

Hermione pulled away enough to scowl up at him. “I mean it, Sirius.”

Sirius knew that tone so well. She had used it several times this week when they were having a heavy discussion, and he made light of it. Hermione wanted a genuine response. “Then how about we get a house together? Out in the countryside where we don’t have to be anything but what we are,” he suggested.

“We?” Hermione asked.

“Yes, we. You and I, me and you. Us. Away from the city and the business of man and mortals. Just us and maybe a shed for my tinkering when I build a new bike,” Sirius smiled and yawned.

“We’re not together,” Hermione puffed.

“So? I was going to live with Moony until we died of old age or he got married. I didn’t want to shag him, but at least we would have been happy. I just want to be happy, don’t you? Why can’t we figure the details out later and just be that?”

“You’re saying that you don’t want to leave then?” Hermione asked as she cast her vision down.

“I’m saying I don’t want to live alone and leave you alone. I’d rather have you in my space than feel the need to run off and shag nameless women to feel a sliver of what I’m missing. I’m missing belonging, and you give it, love. You carry pieces of my friends and yourself that I need. I’m a dog at heart. I need more than drinks and tits.”

Hermione beamed and moved her hand up his side, causing him to get the chills. When she touched his cheek, she moved her index finger to his nose. “I know what we’re going to do this morning.”

“What’s that?” Sirius asked.

“We’re going to go visit Teddy. I haven’t seen him in a month,” Hermione said before pulling from Sirius.

Sirius turned on his back and put an arm behind his head. “How’s my dear cousin Andy doing?”

Hermione sat up on her hand with her elbow dug in the pillow. “She’s great. This will be a nice surprise. I haven’t told her your back because I wanted to wait until I knew you were ready.”

“So, now I’m ready?” Sirius grinned.

Hermione nodded. “I think it’s time that Teddy meets his uncle, and you get another piece of your life back through him. I was worried about you getting listless, but it appears you’re just the opposite.”

“I don’t remember who I was that you met, love. I don’t remember that man at all, and I’m sorry he was a right bugger. Azkaban must have done quite a bit of damage to my already wounded heart,” Sirius sighed as he scratched at his chest.

Hermione’s lips curled as she reached out and touched his bearded cheek. “That’s alright, Sirius. It makes the person you are now so much better by comparison. I understand you,” she voiced and ran her nails through his facial hair.

Sirius groaned and smirked at her. “Now, love, if you’re going to give me those eyes and stroke my ego, you’re going to have to rub this mutt’s belly and more.”

Hermione snorted and patted his cheek. “Maybe next time. I’m going to go get ready and owl Drom. She’ll be in fits to see us.”

Sirius took a chance. A single chance of a split second and pulled her close as he turned and barely touched her lips with his mouth. Hermione closed the minimal gap and returned it as she sighed. Sirius was barmy as a bat for this witch. He moaned and coaxed her on top of him while they kissed. It was fucking magic.

She was getting louder in her sighs as he raced his hands under her shirt, tracing the flesh and scars on her back. This electric current she produced, he just couldn’t get enough. Her fingers were tugging away the barrier just as the fireplace went off, causing the pair to jolt.

“I swear to fuck. If it’s Ron again, I’m going to toss a bludger at him,” Sirius growled.

“Wake up call,” Harry called out.

“Fuck,” Hermione hissed and climbed off of Sirius.

“What’s wrong?” Sirius whispered.

Hermione waved him off and mended her hair and clothing. “Just, don’t tell him we kissed, alright?”

Sirius internally cringed. “Alright.”

She grimaced and bent to the bed. “He’s overprotective, and I don’t need him to have an opinion.”

“But what if we end up moving together?” Sirius grinned.

Hermione glared as she stood up. “Don’t even start that, Sirius,” she huffed and left his room.

Sirius yawned and went to snatch up his pajama pants and a t-shirt. Once he was situated and dressed, he left the room. Hermione was bouncing Albus in her arms with a smile while Harry was talking.

“So, yeah, I decided that’s a good idea,” Harry finished.

Hermione twitched her nose and glanced over at Sirius. “Harry said he wants to take you out to shop with the boys while I go with Gin to Molly’s,” Hermione said.

Her face said it all. She absolutely didn’t want to do that. “Well, Hermione and I were going to Andromeda’s, so I could finally meet Remus’s son.”

Harry blinked and glanced at the witch. “You were going to take him without me?”

Hermione’s cheeks tinted, and she cleared her throat. “We just made the plan before you popped through.”

Sirius walked up and slid his arm over Hermione’s shoulders. “How about we skip the shop today, go visit my cousin and invite them to dinner tonight at the Burrow?” Sirius suggested.

Harry glanced between them and then at Albus before his eyes reached the adults again. Sirius didn’t realize the symbolism until his godson subconsciously pointed it out. This looked oddly normal, and Hermione held the dark-haired infant who only perpetuated the scene. It was overwhelming and unusual.

“Harry? What do you say?” Hermione pressed at the awkward silence.

“Oh, I think that’s great,” Harry finally said. “I’ll go tell Gin, and we’ll get the boys ready,” he voiced and took his son back from Hermione.

“That’s settled then. We’ll head over for breakfast?” Hermione questioned.

Harry hummed and rocked his head. “Come on through when you’re ready, and we’ll head over.”

The conversation was ended with brief goodbyes, and Hermione stomped her foot when Harry left. “Shit!”

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “What’s wrong?”

“He’s going to ask you quite a few questions today, Sirius. Please don’t get out of hand, alright?” Hermione asked as she exhaled.

“You think he thinks we’re shagging, love?” Sirius questioned.

“Yes, I do, and if he does, then that means he thinks you talked me out of my knickers. Just don’t get upset. I’ve told him not to be worried about my life, but he insists,” Hermione puffed and waved her hand.

Sirius shrugged and began walking toward the hallway. “You were the one to make the first move, love. I’ve only complied since,” he called back.

“That’s unfair. I didn’t know it was you!” She shouted.

Sirius stopped at his door and grinned back at her. “Oh, I know. That’s what makes this so much fun.”

He disappeared and heard her growl. Sirius breathed and leaned against the closed barrier. Had he ever thought about children before? No, not really. It was never a concern. Sirius touched the scar on his ribs, and his brow tightened. How could something so small bring back so much guilt?

Guilt. A core motivator of his, as Remus said many times. Always doing things to hide his feelings because they’ve been invasive to others’ lives. His stern father. His hellish mother. Reggie… It always amounted to disrupting what Sirius was to his soul.

He never wanted to feel guilty for someone loving him. His marauders taught him how to love, but would that be enough. Children? Sirius couldn’t even fathom the idea. How did the fleeting thought bud in his mind now? It was distracting, so he shelved the contemplation for a later date.


	9. Chapter 9

Sirius stood outside the house as he smoked a cigarette and shifted in his coat. He was more nervous than a baby hippogriff near water. Harry, Hermione, and Ginny, with the kids, went in and told Andromeda the news. It made him anxious.

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” the smooth feminine voice chimed.

Sirius turned around and smiled as he puffed on the cigarette. “Hello, Andy.”

Andromeda had aged overnight. Her face had crow’s feet and some greys tangled in her dark hair. However, her eyes were warm as she approached and touched his cheek. 

“My darling, favorite cousin. I missed you,” she sighed.

Sirius smiled and breathed. “Not as much as I missed you.”

Andromeda pulled his face to her and kissed his forehead. “My heart is lighter today.”

There was feminine laughter with children’s giggles that came from the open door. Sirius was smiling as he gazed off toward it as Andromeda watched. It was easily identifiable as Hermione’s voice, and Sirius tilted his head as he attempted to listen to her chatting.

“How has my darling girl been treating you? I know she’s taken a bit of your flair since the war ended,” Andromeda voiced.

Sirius looked back at her and hummed. “She’s stellar. What do you mean by my flair?”

“That girl thinks she can hide from me that she’s running, but I’m still a Black,” Andromeda declared with an elegant wave of her hand.

Sirius smoked and exhaled into the air before smiling. “I know, and I promise I’m working on it, Andy.”

She arched an eyebrow as her nose wiggled. “I will trust you, Sirius.”

“Under what condition?” he chuckled.

“That you take care of yourself as well,” Andromeda touched his chest. “She’s thorny, Sirius. Don’t try for something simple.”

Sirius wrapped his arm around her before stomping out the cigarette in the gravel. “Oh, don’t I know it. She’s thorny, hard to grasp, and a pain in the arse. But she’s also soulful and kind.”

Andromeda smiled up at him as they walked toward the house. “My, cousin, you sound enraptured.”

Sirius snorted as they reached the door. “Don’t be foolish, cousin. We both know that I,” he stopped dead.

The view into the house was with the sitting room to the left. Sirius had a full view of the young boy with teal-colored hair embracing and kissing the witch in question as she sat on the floor. Hermione was beaming as she held him, and her face was serene with her eyes closed.

Sirius wasn’t positive about how he felt.

“She spent her first few years here with us, running off on the weekends doing Merlin knows what,” Andromeda whispered as they stood away from the room. “But she always made time for him.”

Sirius pulled Andromeda to the other end of the hallway toward what seemed to be the kitchen. “Andy, tell me something. Why did she stop coming as much?” He voiced in a hushed tone.

Andromeda sighed as she waved her hand. “I’m not sure, Sirius. She has become so withdrawn, and it’s a shame. No one can reach her, much as you used to be.”

“Used to,” Sirius snorted with a nod. “I know.”

“There’s something quite different about you,” Andromeda said as her brow tightened. “Sirius, my darling, do you remember dying?”

She was the first person to ask. It surprised Sirius, but not that she asked. He was more shocked that no one wanted to know. His fingers caressed his facial hair as his shoulders bounced. “I remember very little, but then warmth. A warmth like nothing I’ve ever experienced that felt calm. Then I woke up in that dark room with the curtain and wandered in the ministry until that witch tossed me into a wall and threatened my life if I moved,” he finished with a smile.

Andromeda stifled a giggle while shaking her head. “She is quite formidable. I do love that about her.”

“Me too,” Sirius chuckled.

“Let’s go see my grandson?”

Sirius breathed and nodded as they moved toward the sitting room once again. When they approached, Hermione was on the floor, coloring with James and Teddy. She was on her stomach and swaying her feet back and forth with the bend of her knees.

“Aunt Hermione, can we go play in the field today?” Teddy inquired as he glanced over at her.

She rocked her head. “Whatever your heart’s desire is, Lovely.”

Sirius entered the room, and Hermione turned with a bright grin. Teddy’s brilliant green eyes shot to the man, and he ducked by Hermione. The boy whispered to her, and she looked at him. “Don’t worry,” she declared and caressed his cheek.

Hermione climbed to her feet as Harry stood up from the sofa next to Ginny. The two adults looked at each other, and then Hermione scooped up the boy in front of her. 

“Sirius,” Harry started as he took a step toward him. “This is Edward Remus Lupin.”

“Teddy, this is your Uncle Sirius. The one I wrote in the book,” Hermione whispered loud enough to be heard.

Teddy glanced up at her, then stepped next to Harry, taking his hand. “Hello, Uncle Sirius,” he murmured.

Sirius smiled and ducked down, keeping a fair distance from the shy boy. “You remind me so much of your daddy. You know, he was probably one of my favorite people on this planet.”

“Are the stories all true, Uncle Sirius?” Teddy asked as his expression morphed to curiosity.

“All of them. Even the ones you don’t know about, yet, kid,” Sirius smirked as he bobbed his head.

Teddy approached him and touched his cheek. Sirius saw so much of his best mate in the young boy. It was the rumbling emotion that rolled over him. Teddy tilted his head and then smiled.

“I had a dream about you once, Uncle Sirius,” he said.

Sirius huffed on his chest, tightening and pulled the child in for a hug. “Me too, Teddy boy. I dreamed about you too.”

Teddy hugged him tightly as Sirius glanced up at Hermione. She displayed the emotion he felt as tears trailed down her perfect cheeks with a curl to her lips. ‘Thank you,’ Sirius mouthed and then closed his eyes to relish the hug.

Teddy pulled away and smirked. “Uncle Sirius, do you like hotcakes?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I do,” Sirius grinned.

“I think now would be a perfect time for food,” Andromeda said as she stepped toward the witch.

Hermione embraced her and bobbed her head. “Yes, I can get it started right away,” she voiced while clearing her face.

* * *

Her sleeves were rolled up as Hermione started the hotcakes. Her multitasking skills were impressive without magic. She did it all by hand, and Sirius loved watching her mind work. Ginny, Harry, and Andromeda were prattling about things while the children were busy with toys or books. Sirius watched.

Hermione turned to the stove and began cooking the bacon. Had Sirius admitted to ogling before? No, he’d been pretty decent about keeping his eyes to himself, but her arse in those leggings looked delicious.

“Love, why don’t you ask my cousin to help,” Andromeda voiced.

Sirius blinked over at her grinning that particular ‘Black’ smile. The secret smile that held so many things within. He wasn’t entirely surprised but felt embarrassed to be caught.

“Only if he wants,” Hermione said as she fried the meat.

Sirius jumped up and slid off his coat. “Love, of course, I’ll help. You’re feeding the entire quidditch team.”

“So, Ron told me you were out with Pansy the other night, Hermione,” Ginny declared.

Sirius reached the witch, and she smiled at him. “Yeah, Gin. She was having a hard time, and I decided to assist.”

“Why don’t you ever take me out?” Ginny asked with a tease to her tone.

“You never ask,” Hermione smirked back at the table.

Sirius delicately moved her aside and gestured to the bowls. Hermione nodded and began working on the mix as he smiled over at her. The witch replicated his warm expression and bummed her hip against him as they worked in the kitchen together.

“Aunt Hermione, can we go to the zoo next weekend?” Teddy questioned.

“Of course, my lovely,” Hermione replied.

Sirius began flipping the bacon, and Hermione reached around him for a measuring cup. The position she ducked into around his arms made him grin like a schoolboy. Sexy. So, sexy. When did domestic chores make him randy to get this witch naked? He knew he had to get a grip on his old nature here soon.

A voice cleared around the chatter as Hermione returned to her task. “Sirius, are you still interested in going to Molly’s tonight?” Harry asked.

Sirius glanced back and rocked his head. “Yes, of course, kid.”

“Can we go, Grandmother?” Teddy asked.

“Yes, of course,” Andromeda smiled. 

“I’m going to drag Aunt Hermione along and make her miserable,” Sirius chuckled as he winked at the excited boy.

“Absolutely not,” Hermione grumbled.

“Not!” James giggled.

Sirius rolled his eyes before stepping extremely close to the witch. “Why not, Love? You afraid we’re going to end up in the broom closet?” He whispered as his face went next to hers.

Hermione jerked as she turned to him with a blush. “No.”

His fingers trailed along her cheek as he brushed a few curls from her cheek. “High hopes, I suppose,” he teased.

“Okay, Sirius, let’s go take a walk outside,” Harry huffed.

“Harry, leave them be,” Andromeda waved it off. “My cousin has always been rambunctious.”

Hermione groaned as she reached around Sirius and started pulling the bacon off the stove. Sirius stepped from her and crossed his arms while looking at the table. It was an eased posture as he smiled. 

“I don’t know, Andy. He might be right. I might steal this one away and buy us a house. I have the means for it,” Sirius voiced.

“A house?” Ginny blinked.

“House!” James clapped.

“In the country,” Sirius shrugged.

Hermione moaned as she cleaned off the griddle plate. “Sirius, stop.”

“Wait, are you two,” Ginny paused and tapped her index fingers together.

“No, no, and no,” Hermione sighed.

“I just want to buy a house for a witch. It doesn’t mean we have to get married, right Teddy boy?” Sirius asked as he embraced the child and ducked his chin over his shoulder.

Teddy smiled and nodded. “Right, Uncle Sirius.”

“When did you two shag?” Ginny inquired.

Hermione was pouring batter on the griddle as she grumbled to herself. Sirius was enjoying that she was moderately uncomfortable. It was needed with how complacent life had gotten for her.

“We haven’t,” Sirius said. It wasn’t a full lie. They didn’t know they were each other. “I want to get her out of the city and out into some fresh air. I don’t want to live alone, and she’s an excellent housemate. Cleans her dishes, doesn’t mind that my cooking is shite, and works fairly hard during the week.”

“I’m not letting my flat go, Sirius,” Hermione declared.

“That’s fine, love,” Sirius agreed and nosed the boy’s cheek. “She’s a bit tough, but let’s find a house nearby so I can teach you about motorbikes,” he whispered.

“There is a lovely piece of property a couple kilos from here, Sirius,” Andromeda said with a stifled smile.

“You’re serious?” Harry asked and winced.

“Absolutely Sirius, Sirius Black,” Sirius joked with a wide grin.

Ginny glanced at Harry, who shrugged. “That’s not a bad idea,” Ginny declared.

“Mama, I hungry!” James huffed and banged the table.

“Luckily, my sweet James,” Hermione said as she approached the table. “I have food for you.”

Hermione set down plates in front of the children. The cakes were cut up and had syrup on them with pieces of bacon. When she got to Teddy’s spot, she moved back toward the stove, and Sirius caught her by the hip. 

“Hey, love, what do you say?” Sirius asked.

“Let’s not talk about this here,” Hermione murmured and patted his chest.

“Lovely, I do believe it would be excellent for my cousin to have a housemate. He’s always done better in a pack and seems to enjoy your company well enough,” Andromeda interjected.

Hermione pulled away and went back to cooking. “I suppose if he truly wants to buy a house, I could afford a bit of time to help him with the decorating. He’s absolutely horrid about it.”

Ginny’s eyebrows were near orbit. Harry, who was giving a bottle to Albus, was scowling. Andromeda was smiling, but it was Teddy’s reaction that sold him.

Teddy set down his fork and rocked his head. “You can always get married later, Aunt Hermione. Now that Uncle Sirius is back, you don’t have to be so sad that he was gone.”

“She did have a wicked fancy for you,” Ginny smirked.

Andromeda gasped and covered her lips. “Oh, our Hermione does shoot for the stars, doesn’t she?”

“Sirius, of course,” Sirius winked at her.

“This isn’t going to be a running joke, or I won’t be going tonight,” Hermione warned.

“Are you sure you didn’t shag her, Sirius?” Ginny gasped with a brilliant grin.

“No, she would get too bored of me then,” Sirius chuckled and walked back toward the witch at the stove. “Isn’t that right, kitten?” 

She exhaled and narrowed her eyes up at him. “Don’t press your luck, Sirius.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he retorted as he snatched up the plates she had food on. “After all, you wouldn’t love me if I teased you mercilessly.”

“Aunt Hermione always makes the best hotcakes,” Teddy said as Sirius set down plates for the adults. 

“It’s the bacon grease. There are some things that magic can’t replicate,” Hermione responded.

“There truly are,” Sirius said as she watched the witch bring over the rest of the plates.

“Now, let’s eat before we play in the field,” Hermione murmured.

The table settled in for breakfast, and Sirius couldn’t be happier. For the first time in his life, he got it. He understood James’s incessant hunting for Lily. He understood the complexities of the word ‘family,’ and of course, he realized the most important thing; he had a second shot at life for a reason.


	10. Chapter 10

Hermione felt overwhelmed as she approached the building with Sirius holding her. His arm felt secure around her shoulders as he caressed her skin. The witch stopped her feet at the door and breathed.

"It's alright, I gotcha, love," Sirius whispered.

Hermione inhaled. "I don't want to do this, Sirius," she exhaled.

"Do you trust me?" He asked while facing her.

She bobbed her head and swallowed. Sirius smiled and touched her cheek, tracing her lips with his thumb. "I promise, if you feel at all odd, I'll hold you and keep you safe."

Hermione pulled him in for a hug and breathed in the smooth scent of his cologne. It was amazing, and she could douse her pillows in it. Sirius kissed her forehead before resting his chin against her.

"Sirius, you're exceptional," Hermione whispered.

He chuckled and sighed. "Oh, love. You stroke my ego all the time."

Hermione pulled from him and smiled. "Now, what's the story?"

"Story?"

She rocked her head. "We have to have a story. You just talked about buying a house this morning. Molly is going to demand a story sternly."

Sirius grinned and straightened his vest. "Why can't it be the truth? We drunkenly shagged, and I realized I didn't want to live without you."

Hermione sighed as she disagreed. "No, that most certainly cannot be the story."

"Then I just want to live with someone who reminds me of the best parts of Moony," Sirius nodded.

Hermione's eyes widened, and she swallowed. "No, that's," as she was stumbling on her words, the door opened. The witch turned to see George glancing at them with a wide smile.

"Well, I'll be damned. The recluse and the marauder," he snickered.

Hermione put on her polite smile and reached for George. "Evening, Georgie."

He breathed and embraced her. "We've missed our brightest witch, Hermione."

"I've missed you too."

When she pulled away, Hermione gestured to Sirius. "He doesn't remember this type of affair, but he's still Sirius. So, let's just keep reminding people of that, including your mum."

George chuckled and reached for Sirius's hand. They shook, and he nodded. "Good to see you again, Sirius. Don't worry, the rest of my family is like us. Barmy, loud, and we love to drink."

Sirius grinned and winked. "You sound like my kind of people."

Hermione watched as the man masked the perfect smile and got through small talk as they walked inside. How did he get so decent at masking his discomfort? She knew he was uncomfortable, the small subtleties that she'd gathered from him. Sirius was just an excellent charmer and knew it.

His persona's degree was always a bit masked, but being out of her flat really highlighted it. She had watched him all day and then when they're alone. He's relaxed. Him getting through all the Weasleys with laughter and smiles but being wholly uncomfortable. Why didn't she see the degree of this before?

"So, how have you two gotten along?" Bill questioned.

Hermione shook from her thoughts and realized they were having more than small talk discussed. The witch smiled and shifted on her feet. "He's been quite the housemate."

Sirius wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Oh, yes. I burnt the chicken the other night. She ate it anyway," he laughed.

"He doesn't leave his towel on the floor or uses my toothbrush, so we're doing quite well," Hermione smiled.

George raised his bottle. "Here's to someone who can live with her."

"Hey, I'm not that much of a terror," Hermione grumbled.

"You're a bit much at times, but we love that about you," Bill chuckled.

Hermione rocked her head and smiled through it. Sirius caressed her skin again and kissed her hair. The conversation was humming in her mind as they continued. There was so much going on that Hermione felt lost. Ron had joined into the fray, and it began a playful turn.

She could hear them. The conversation was about the shop and many trivial aspects of life. However, it was a hum in comparison to her feelings, and the textures of the room were so potent. Sirius. His thumb ran against her skin. It felt like the whole room vibrated, but he kept her grounded. That blurred texture of chaos, and then there was him…

"You both are pretty decent companions then?" George questioned.

Sirius nodded and pulled the witch closer. "She's pretty stellar. We have our evenings of reading or watching films. Sometimes if she's feeling frisky, she'll take me out on a walk," he chuckled.

"We always knew Hermione was more of a dog person than a cat person," Bill laughed.

"He's my favorite dog," Hermione said.

Harry and Ginny walked in from the kitchen and laughed. "You both really did come," Ginny smirked.

"Yeah, I convinced her to put on some clothing and come," Sirius declared.

George and Ron glanced at each other. "Put on clothing?"

Hermione groaned and waved a hand. "His expression. I certainly don't walk around naked."

"A dog can beg," He snorted.

"Same ole, Sirius," George laughed.

Hermione smiled up at him, and he winked down at her. This was so easy actually to feel with him around. How did she reach this ledge? Hermione spent years avoiding the spots in her mind that were warm, and he seemed to bring it forth.

"Hermione Granger, come in here now!" Molly shouted as she appeared from the doorway.

Hermione winced, and Sirius glanced back. "Hello, Molly," he smirked.

"Don't you even start with me, Sirius Black. I will have you know. I haven't seen this girl in weeks."

Sirius directed them toward her, and she snatched up Hermione from him. "Now, you go have a drink. I'm going to have a chat with the next minister," Molly excused him.

Hermione gazed back at the animagus and grimaced as Molly steered her into the kitchen. She knew that she was in for a list of men that were Molly Weasley approved. The reminder that yet again, she wasn't meeting expectations. It wasn't Molly's fault. She only wanted the best for her. She only wanted Hermione to be a normal witch. She wasn't.

The younger witch sank further and further as Molly continued her assault while flicking her wand at the pots. Hermione felt like the figurative belt around her chest kept tightening as the room darkened. Sweat beaded on her forehead as she answered at appropriate times and attempted to quell the attack.

"I just don't understand it, dear. I know you work so hard, but you deserve happiness," Molly tutted as she touched Hermione's shoulder. "I'm only assisting with you finding your way. A family with children, those are all normal things, and you more than anyone deserves it."

"Molly," Hermione tried.

"No, no, dear. You just need to take the dive and try, darling," Molly pressed and rubbed her shoulder.

Her back spasmed with a sharp pain causing her to feel trapped again. Hermione jerked from her grip and gasped. "Don't you understand? I don't want it! I just want to be left the fuck alone!" She shouted and pressed her hand to her chest as she breathed.

"Hermione Granger," Molly said as she put her hand on her hip.

"I just want to be left alone," she gasped.

"Dear, are you okay?" Molly asked as she reached for her.

"Stop, don't touch me!" Hermione cried as she backed up. She let out a wretched groan as her free hand went into her hair. She could hear the cackling in her ears. Why did she think she could ever do this? She wasn't drunk enough to handle this.

Sirius had raced into the room and ducked to the witch. "Hey, hey, look at me."

Hermione, let go of tears as she gasped. "Sirius, I just can't."

He nodded and caressed her cheek. "Here," he whispered and put her hand on his chest. "Breathe."

Hermione obeyed and kept eye contact with him as tears streamed down her cheeks. He pressed his fingers over hers on her chest. It was this intensity that thrummed over the erratic thoughts that overwhelmed her.

"You're here, not there," he breathed.

"Here," Hermione murmured as she caught a deep breath.

"That's my girl. We're going to sit outside a second, then come in and get some water," He whispered and caressed her fingers.

"I need a drink," Hermione grumbled and closed her eyes.

"No, not yet. We've had a long day of ups and downs. Give yourself a second. Permit yourself just to breathe," he voiced and gripped her fingers over her chest.

Hermione licked her lips as her breathing settled. "Why did I let you convince me to come?" She sighed while shaking her head.

"Because you think I'm devilishly handsome," he smiled and caressed her cheek.

Hermione choked on a laugh as her lips curled. "That's true occasionally."

Sirius pulled her close, and Hermione caressed his chest. "Now, do you want to get some air, then come in and get some wine?"

Hermione nodded against him as her cheek rubbed against his chest. She wasn't positive how he just understood, but he did. Sirius tucked her under his arm and walked her toward the back door. They stepped off the porch, and Sirius released her, taking her hand as they wandered out toward the field.

"How do you do it?" Hermione questioned as she stared out at the darkening sky.

Sirius breathed and waved his free hand. "Years of training myself."

"Don't you ever feel trapped? You don't have to tell me what you suffered as a child to know it left a mark," Hermione declared.

Sirius inhaled and glanced up at the sky as they slowed. "I feel trapped all the time, love. I feel undeserving and hollow. I've learned over the years of self-medication and hiding that it never stops. The only thing I can do is find one place that's just my own."

"What was your place?"

Sirius turned her and met her gaze. "My marauders."

Hermione pressed her lips together. "I see."

Sirius flopped to the long grass and pulled the witch down. "We need to talk about this."

"About?" Hermione puffed as she moved closer to his body.

"Do you trust me?" He whispered as he grazed her cheek with his fingers.

"Irrefutably," she sighed.

His lips curled in the slightest. "Would you let me help you? So you don't need to race off and shag strangers to feel something. I've done it all my life, luckily the night I reverted, you were the witch I was with. We could help each other."

"How?" Hermione grimaced.

"Putting on bandages for each other. The hard to reach ones," he smiled.

Hermione puffed and straightened her shirt. "Then, that means you have to be open as well."

"I know," Sirius scrunched his face. "But if it will help you feel more than darkness, I'm willing to do so."

She rocked her head. "Alright, Sirius," she sighed.

He maneuvered with her in the grass and pointed up at the sky. "That's the Big Dipper," he declared.

She turned her face just a bit to stare at him before pointing to a bright star. "And that's Sirius. I used to glance up all the time and talk to you while Harry and I were in the Forest of Dean. It made me feel less alone out there."

Sirius breathed and lifted his head enough to kiss her forehead. "I'm glad I could help."

"Can we just stay in our sea of stars?" She asked him.

"Unfortunately, we have to go back inside soon. How about we make a plan to enjoy our sea of stars next weekend?" Sirius asked as he stared up at the blanket that surrounded them and the long grass.

Hermione rocked her head. "Just us?"

"Just us," Sirius smiled and sat up. "Come on, love. They probably think we shagged in the field," he grinned.

Hermione rolled her eyes but beamed. "Molly is going to be quite upset."

"Don't you worry about it, I have it, Hermione," Sirius voiced as he pulled them to their feet.

They glanced back at the glowing house. It was such a different perspective after she was centered. The warmth returned to her chest, and she squeezed Sirius's hand. "Thank you," she whispered as they walked back.

"I'm not going anywhere," Sirius replied, and they rejoined the dinner.

Things had settled, and no one asked Hermione questions about the outburst. However, there were questioning stares given to the marauder. What was that? Is she alright? Are you two more than you say? He had no answer for those expressions because it was really no one's business. He kept smiling and even got Hermione to do the same.


	11. Chapter 11

Their first fight.

Hermione was washing the dishes by hand, and Sirius was standing at the doorway with a scowl as he leaned on the frame. She was stiff, and her jaw was locked while his eyes were narrowed.

"I just don't see the problem," she finally huffed.

"What do you mean you don't see the problem?" He snapped and waved his hand.

Hermione dried her hands and put them on her hips as she turned. "You and Ron should go out," she suggested.

"Don't give me that ballocks!" Sirius snarled. "You were snide when you suggested I was going to go shag some witch. If you have something to say it, then say it. I don't like this shit, Hermione."

"I don't care," Hermione brushed it off and walked from the room.

Sirius felt the sour rejection she had been leading up to for the last hour. It wasn't fair. What the bloody fuck was he supposed to respond to this. Somehow this edgy, frigid witch stood in place of the woman in his arms last night. Rewind.

The animagus stopped by Andromeda's for tea. He chatted at length about his primordial moving plans. After, he came home and decided to try his hand at writing, which started to get sappy, so he put it away. Soon after Hermione came into the flat, Sirius had ordered them pizza. A nice change. It was Thursday, and they were going to have pizza, ales and watch stupid films until they were tired. That was the plan.

Her attitude from the moment she walked in was confrontational. Sirius wasn't sure what the witch experienced at work, but it was enough to set her on edge. He's dealt with moodiness on an outward front from his friends and even himself. However, the forgiveness factor went out the door when she slid into a conversation about changing their weekend plans.

"I don't see how you can just blow this off when I'm upset," Sirius expressed as he went into the sitting room.

Hermione tilted her head and stared up at him. "How could you be upset? I only suggested that you and Ron should go let off a little steam instead of us spending Friday night together. It isn't a big deal, and you should want to do those things."

Sirius breathed through his nose. "I know what you're doing, and I don't fucking like it," he retorted.

"Well, I'm sorry, but I already agreed to go to this concert with Pansy," Hermione puffed and crossed her legs over the sofa.

Her entire posture and body language declared, 'stay away from me.' It was a ridiculous attempt at best to keep others away. Attitude, piss poor reception, and a sneer. Sirius tightened his lips. "I thought we weren't going to lie to each other anymore."

"What do you want to hear, Sirius?" Hermione sighed.

Sirius stepped toward and ducked down. "The truth would be nice."

Hermione's top lip quivered as she glared at him. "I want to go out and forget Hermione Granger for a while, and I don't need you. You don't want to know the things I'd like to do to someone strange in the sheets."

If Sirius weren't planted, it would have blown him to the ground. He sat on the floor and set his arms on his knees, scrubbing his face. He knew this play. He'd done it many times with young witches. This was pure manipulation—a hurtful one.

"I know what you're doing, and I'm verbally letting you know, you're killing me a little, love," Sirius grumbled through his fingers. "We just talked about this."

Hermione glanced away from him, keeping her icy posture. "I don't know what you mean."

"Damnit, Hermione!" Sirius hissed as he glared at her.

She grimaced and met his eyes. "I can't be normal, Sirius. Please stop trying to do this," she murmured.

"Do what?" he voiced.

"Stop trying to take me on dates and make me feel normal," Hermione said as her ice melted to a pathetic pout. "I don't need pity, and we both know this would never work."

"Where is this coming from? I've never once made this more than what it is," Sirius whispered as he dropped his hands hanging from his knees.

Hermione pulled her knees closer to her chest and shuddered a breath. "George stopped by to see me today and talk with me. He asked me about the weekend, and I told him. He then asked what we do during the week, and I told him. He suggested that you were fancying taking this to a relationship level."

Sirius groaned and rested his back against the leg of the table. "So, this is about someone suggesting I wanted something from you that you're afraid you can't give?"

Hermione gestured to the room. "What is it then? You want to buy a house and have me move with you. You want us to go spend the night under the stars tomorrow. Sirius, if that isn't dating, what is it?"

Sirius blinked and knew he didn't have an answer. He had fallen into this routine and adored the shit out of the unavailable witch. It was just natural to be this way because he didn't know any other way to show his love. This was his normal. He never would ask for more than she was capable of giving.

"Is that so wrong?" He finally asked.

"Yes, Sirius," Hermione breathed.

He scowled and shook his head. "I'm not scared of you, Hermione. I stayed with you last night through the whole episode, didn't I? When we talked about my mother, you held me until I was grounded. Isn't that what this is about? I thought we agreed we would do this, no destination agreed on."

She winced and grabbed her hair. "Stop, just stop this, Sirius! Let me rot because that's all I can afford! I'm not worth the damn space you're investing your time in!" She cried as the tears breached her eyes.

He blinked, and for a split second, he saw himself. Sitting in the corner of the dormitory after coming back from holiday. His mother had shamed him into the ground for three weeks. This was built into her core of self-shaming for years. It brought a deep emotion to his chest as he moved to the sofa.

"You're not cold," he said while looking at the bookcases.

Hermione cried harder. "Stop it, just stop."

"You're not unlovable," he murmured and held out his hand, still not looking at her.

She was gripping her hair and shaking as she blocked him with her curls. "Please," she whimpered.

"You're not ugly," Sirius breathed and moved his hand closer to her.

She shook and wept as a full breakdown was tearing through her.

"And you're not worthless," he sighed.

Hermione flung her body at him, and he embraced her. She shook against him as she cried, and he held her. "I don't know what you experienced, but this isn't who you are, no matter how much you say it is," he murmured and rubbed her back. "I know who you are, which is why I'm still here."

"Why don't you just run away?" she sobbed. "I'm going to hurt you too."

Sirius breathed and shook his head. "No, love. If I survived Moony, then I sure as fuck can survive you. If I survived my own destructive behavior, you're cake. This is a walk in the park because you're fucking lovable. I adore the shit out of you, and you don't even have to do anything extraordinary. Oh, look, she's reading in my sweater… my heart skips a beat."

Hermione pulled from him and stared at him with her makeup stained face. "This isn't normal."

He chuckled and raised his eyebrow. "I'm not really interested in normal. Come on, love. We shagged while in transfigured disguises to forget who we were for an escape. Do you think I could be capable of normal? Why would we want to try to be normal? We have more than that to offer."

"You do," Hermione sighed as she looked away.

Sirius coaxed her eyes back to him with a touch of his fingers. "You do as well. I don't want normal. I want you, Hermione. For all the moments you think are flawed and the moments in between. Since I saw you walking barefoot into my second chance at life. You told me I needed to make new experiences for my lost memories. This is one that I want, regardless of where it leads. I don't need anything more from you than just to be existent in your space."

Hermione's lips peeled apart as she touched his face like a timid animal. She analyzed him with the strangest expression that was a mixture of shock and doubt. How could he not love her? No matter how far she led him down the rabbit hole, she, without knowing, mended old wounds through his acknowledgment.

"You want me?" She asked finally.

He didn't answer. Sirius pulled her in for a kiss and ran his fingers through her locks. She was a beautiful mess, but then again, so was he. Why wouldn't you want someone who knew what it was like and identifies him under all the shields? He saw her as well.

She sighed and wrapped her arms around his shoulders as she straddled his lap. He pulled her shirt off through their coupling and worked on her bra. It wasn't planned, nor did he think that a breakdown would lead to such heightened feelings. He just needed her. She needed him too. It was the equality he had never met with a woman.

Hermione carefully pulled at his shirt as her bra fell loose around her arms. Sirius growled as he yanked at his t-shirt, tossing it to the ground when they parted, breathing and examining each other.

She was fucking perfect. Sirius blinked, and his lips parted, and his chest rose and fell with swift rhythm. The curse scars splayed across her arms and stomach. The natural curve of her breasts. Everything.

Her face was an echo of his. They were bare in so many ways. She licked her lips and climbed from his lap. "Can we get cleaned up and climb into bed?"

Sirius smiled and stood next to her. "Yeah, I'd like that. But clothing is optional," he winked.

Hermione cleared some of the smudged makeup from her cheeks and beamed. "I'm not shagging you tonight, Sirius."

"Oh, that's completely fair as long as I can touch," he smirked and caressed her shoulder.

Hermione snorted with a grin as she picked up their clothes. "I couldn't stop you if you tried."

"Well, you could, but you won't. You like how much I look too much. You want to touch too," he declared as he followed her into the bedroom.

While they were embraced in a mess of flesh and feelings, Sirius thought. She was sleeping and had her hand over his heart. He knew it would be some time until she would want physical intimacy beyond this. This was an intensity neither of them knew they each had. Fingers on flesh telling each other stories without words.

He didn't care. He didn't care if it wasn't anyone else's normal. This was his, and he was pretty sure this was hers. As her fingers ran over the scar his mother gave him when she said he would be better off dead… she knew, and he knew in their own way, love would find a way. He smiled and kissed her forehead before sleep was his friend.


End file.
